Trapped
by blackbirdxsinging
Summary: as things get harder with suze, jesse, and paul, skills are learned, trust is broken, and love is challenged. all they want to know is if they can fix the mess they got themselves into.
1. te quiero

Chapter One

I ran my fingers through my hair. Why couldn't I get this right? I racked my brain for some sort of acceptable answer. Why couldn't they just have multiple choice questions on this stupid test?

"Miss Simon, your test please." The words I had dreaded all morning. I looked up into my math teachers eyes with sort of a desperate look. "Miss Simon." He repeated again, obviously not getting the memo.

"Yes, but the thing is, Mr. Minotti, I didn't exactly finish…maybe could you give me a few extra minutes?"

He smirked. "Your test, Miss Simon."

_Just because you say it fifty times, dosent mean I'll give it to you. _

I honestly thought about shifting to the night before and studying. I was just about ready to. And maybe poison my math teachers coffee as well. But those thoughts vanished when I realized the reality of the situation.

I grimaced and held the paper weakly up to the man in a broad suit towering over me.

"Thank you, Miss Simon."

"The pleasures all mine." I grumbled under my breath.

"Class dismissed!" Mr. Minnoti announced as the bell rang. We all slumped out into the hall, joining the usual sea of people in the corridors.

"That test was _brutal!_" Ceecee chirped, stepping up to my side. "I am _so_ glad I studied."

I groaned. Ceecee was going to pass and I wasn't.

"What?" She asked, trying to look in my eye which was currently staring at my shoes. "Oh, you didn't study, did you?"

I chewed on my lip. "No."

"Suze, don't worry, it was hard, the whole class probably failed. There will be a re-write."

"No." I hissed. "There wont be one."

"_Querida, _what's wrong?" I perked up. Jesse?

"Jesse, why are you here?" I stopped at my locker.

"I'll tell you later." He whispered. "Now, Susannah. What is wrong?"

"School stuff."

"Oh. Well," I finshed the combination on my locker and flung the door open. It hit Jesse smack on the nose.

"Oh my god, Jesse!" I bent down on the ground, my papers scattered everywhere. "Oh god…Jesse!"

"Susannah!" He sounded cross. No wonder.

"I am so, so, sorry Jesse, Oh my god!" I yelled at my own stupidity. "Are you okay?" He scooped up my papers. "Oh no, Jesse, let me get those."

"Susannah, it's allright." He picked up some more papers and handed them to me. "And _Querida,_ I'm fine." He smiled and I stood up.

I didn't care if he was 120, I was still mortified. And everyone saw, too. Even Kelly Prescott.

"Oh Jess, I love you, oops, sorry!" She shrieked, mocking me, walking by my locker with Paul holding her arm. She started in a laughing fit until Paul nudged her and they kept moving along.

"Its Jesse." I grumbled. "Anyways, Jesse, what can I do for you?" I was still thinking about what I had just done. I was _such_ a moron.

"Father Dominic wants to see you." He smiled, holding his arm out. "I saw a lot of the other girls walking with other boys like this." He joined his arm with mine. I smiled.

"Jesse, you are a true gentleman." I walked gracefully down the hall and turned the corner, smiling to make Kelly Prescott jealous.

"Susannah." Father Dom greeted, smiling. "Jesse." He nodded his head over to Jesse.

Jesse slided his arm out of mine.

"What do you need, Father Dom?"

"Jesse, if you could leave this to me, please?" Jesse nodded and walked out of the room.

Once Jesse had closed the door, Father Dominic leaned over his desk.

"Susannah, Jesse has spoken to me about your relationship."

"_what?_" I asked. Why would Jesse be talking to Father Dom?

"Yes, he was talking about your night after the um… dance."

My eyes widened. "He _told _you??"

"Susannah, I do not know why yo are so flabbergasted at this whole subject. I obviously am not. And I am a priest!" I jst stared at him with wide eyes.

_He told him?_

"Susannah, it is alltright. I nderstand. Yo and Jesse… well, I gess it wold be appropriate to say, yo and Jesse are in love. However, Susannah, I called yo here to tell yo to jst… Jst don't… Don't use yor… wait ntill yo get married."

"Father Dom!" I shrieked.

"You both come close to it after that dance, and you know it, Susannah Simon!!" He snapped.

"Father Dom!" I shook my head with a disgusted look on my face. I am a good actress. "No!"

"Allright Susannah. Listen." I stood up.

"No worries, Father." I walked outside into the hall. There was no more people in the hallway except for Jesse.

He wore a playfull smile on his face.

"Jesse!" I scolded. "You told him!"

"I am sorry Susannah, I felt…guilty." He held my hand. "Sorry."

The night, after the dance, was more amazing than any night I had ever had before with Jesse. After the last song had played, he drove me to his apartment.

"Jesse? My house is down the street."

"I know, _Querida._" He stopped the car and pulled out the keys. "_béseme."_ He whispered gently in my ear. I was positive that it was Spanish. But I didn't know what it meant at the time.

He kissed me gently, passing his fingers through my hair. His hands soon moved down to my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"We can do anything we want now, _Querida._" He whispered, his lips moving against mine. "However we mustn't…" He kissed me again. "do anything…" again. "wrong." He finished. However his advice didn't come to either one of our minds, because we kept kissing.

I qickly unbutonned his black jacket and tossed it to the ground. His white button up shirt was all that was left, and I quickly tore it open, feeling the detail in his chest.

"Jesse…" I whispered against his lips.

He moved his hands to my stomach and then up to my… 34 B. "te quiero." He whispered. _What was he saying?_

He was about to unhook the back of my Victoria's Secret when he pulled back. "Suze."

"Jesse, it…it's okay. We, we can do this Jesse. Things are different."

He just shook his head. "No, Suze…It feels wrong."

"But Jesse, it isn't wrong, because I love you. And.. You love me." I whimpered.

"No." He said firmly. He started buttoning up his shirt. "Sorry, Susannah. Not tonight." He turned the keys. I straightened up my shirt and stared out the window.

I kept walking down the hallway with Jesse holding my hand until I saw something At the end of the hall. I stopped dead. Jesse had a concerned look on his face.

"_Querida?_ Is everything all right?"

"Jesse." I whispered. "You…you cant see that?"

Jesse looked around.

"See what, _querida?_"

"I thought…I thought you could see ghosts." I whimpered.

"I can, Susannah. I am a mediator. Like you."

"But…You, you cant see him." I questioned weakly.

"No."

The reason I was so afraid and shaky, was, well…

Down the hall there was Jesse standing there.

Only not the Jesse who was holding my hand. No, this was a different Jesse, who couldn't hold my hand, or even know I could see him.

He was _ghost_ Jesse, all over again.


	2. ghost jesse

It was like staring into a mirror.

The ghost Jesse was wearing the same clothes as Jesse.

Jeans, a Led Zeplin shirt he had borrowed from my brothers. Kind of gross, but they looked better on Jesse. Way better.

He was leaning on a locker very casually, like Jesse would have done.

His eyes were the same. He actually looked like a mirror view of Jesse.

But real Jesse couldn't see him.

"Are you…sure you cant see him?" I asked again, to see if I was completely insane. My worries abot Father Dom and my relationship with Jesse vanished.

"_Querida,_ I am sure." I ran up to the ghost and pointed to him.

"You cant see him?!?!" I almost screamed. "He is right here!!"

"In the…locker?" Jesse laughed.

"It isn't funny Jesse!" I screamed, tossing my hand carelessly in the air. And I accidently hit ghost Jesse in the face.

"What was that for?" They both asked in unision. My eyes widened.

"What?" Was all I could spit out.

"You hit me, Susannah." They said together again.

"Wait, Jesse, can you feel this?" I pinched my nails into ghost Jesse's hand.

Both of their hands tore away.

"Stop it!" They said together.

"You stop it!" I shrieked. "Stop talking together! You're like, twins!"

"Susannah." Ghost Jesse whispered. "I think that we should,"

"Take you to a doctor." Jesse finished. I spun around to him.

"What?" I asked again. "I thought you couldn't see him!"

"See who?"

"How did you finish that sentence without seeing this ghost?" I asked desperately, pointing to the ghost beside me.

"I said the whole sentence myself,"

"Susannah." Ghost Jesse finished.

Furious, and confused, I tore a bobby pin from my hair and scraped it across Ghost Jesse's hand. It bled. I flung my head over to real Jesse. His hand had a lonely trail of blood, dripping from exactly where I had cut Ghost Jesse.

And then I fainted.


	3. problems and orange juice

"Susannah." I felt someone tugging on my arm. "Are you allright?"

My eyes fluttered open. Jesse was towering over me.

"Where am I?" I groaned, feeling my head.

"You are at my apartment." Jesse smiled. "You had an incident at the school, do you remember?"

Tears filled up in my eyes.

"Of course I remember! I think I am going insane, or…or you're losing your mediator."

"That is ridiculous. Completely foolish of you to even mention me saying that _I_ am losing it. Seriously Suze, what are you thinking?"

"You didn't see the ghost!" I cried. "You, you couldn't see that ghost, Jesse. You didn't see him. Something has to be wrong with one of us."

He squinted his eyes. "There was a ghost?" I nodded furiously.

"Yes there was, there was a ghost of y…" I stopped. "Yvonna!" Not yet.

"Yvonnna." He smirked. I nodded again. "Susannah, what are you hiding?"

I bit my lip.

"Don't do that, Susannah. Tell me who you saw."

"I…" I made a sound like a gasp and a sob. "Maybe I am crazy, Jesse."

"Susannah." He wasn't joking anymore. He sounded almost, mad.

"Okay." I breathed. "I saw, I saw _you_ Jesse."

He squinted again. "_What?_"

"Yes, Jesse, you were finishing eachothers sentences, and when I cut…"

"You cut the air."

"And you _bled,_ Jesse. I cut your ghost and you _bled_."

Jesse held his head in his hands. "I think I know the problem, _Querida."_

I looked up.

"When you brought me back, my ghost here took over my body from 1850. Then my ghost from 1850…is here."

I started crying again. "I don't know what to do!"

"We'll just send him on his way." Jesse said simply, turning around, walking into the kitchen.

"No!" I shrieked.

Startled, Jesse spun around. "What Querida?"

"We can _not_ send him on his way. You bled when I cut him, who knows what will happen if he moves on. You might… die, Jesse."

He opened the fridge. "Fine, then we wont send him on. Just make up your mind." He smiled and brought over a carton of orange juice and two glasses, all settled on a metal tray.

"Okay."

He poured a glass of orange juice for me.

"I love you." He whispered.


	4. its what i want

But things were not as easy as Jesse explained them to be.

Because after the orange juice, and the, ahem, many kisses that followed, Ghost Jesse appeared again.

"Stop it." He barked at me. I stopped kissing real Jesse and looked at Ghost Jesse.

"_What?"_

"Stop kissing me."

"_Yo_u?"

"Yes, me. That's my body you're kissing."

"Querida?" Real Jesse asked. "Who are you talking to?"

"You." I said back, thinking about what I said. "Can you understand what this ghost is saying?"

"Can you understand?" Ghost Jesse asked again.

"Did he…did he ask if I could understand?"

"Yes!" I yelled, standing up. "How do you know???"

"We're the same person." Ghost Jesse answered. "With different wants."

We both perked up. "Different wants?"

"Yes."

"Jesse, I cant believe you cant see him!" I sobbed.

"Querida. Don't worry, I can understand. Its just like him standing there."

"Okay…I just…"

"Pardon me." Ghost Jesse continued. "I need to get an important message across."

I nodded. Jesse said nothing.

"Me and…he nodded his head towards Jesse. "Me, have different wants."

"Well, what are your wants?"

"Nothing!" Real Jesse burst. "Susannah, you cant know what he wants."

"Why not?" I snapped back. "I think I have the right to know his wants!"

"I want…"

"Stop it!" Jesse yelled. "Leave us alone!"

"I wont leave you alone!" Ghost Jesse yelled, now very angry. A picture on Jesse's wall began to shake. "You took everything away from me!" He pointed at me.

It wasn't right for Jesse to be doing these things. Any other ghost, it was fine, but seeing Jesse this angry wasn't regular. Not after what I had done with him.

My throat dried up. "Let him talk." I said hoarsely. I couldn't stand him like that.

Jesse looked at me with concerned eyes, but he understood.

The picture stopped shaking.

"I don't mean to bring you trouble. I just want to move on."

I bit my lip.

"Now if you will listen closely, I will tell you how to help."

I shook my head. "I am really sorry, Jesse, but I cant…"

"Cant what?" He snapped.

"I cant move you on."

"Why?" _Because then my one true love will die. And I will have this ghost problem all over again._ "Because your life is more important then anyone elses?" What? "Your love is more important then my life? This is what I _want, _Susannah. I am Jesse. I am the person sitting right beside you. And This is what I want."

I paused. "Is this really what you want?" I asked weakly.

Ghost Jesse nodded his head. Real Jesse was silent.

"I guess it is." I cried silently. "W-what do you want?"

But ghost Jesse had disappeared.


	5. big mistake

Jesse stared at the ground.

My stomach felt sick. I needed to throw up.

"Oh my god Jesse." Silence. "Oh my god, you want to move on??"

"Querida, no!" He turned my head. "I want to stay here with you, I want to be with you until we both move on from death. Honestly."

"Then.." I choked. "Why didn't you say anything when he said it was what you wanted?"

"Because," He whispered, looking away, "Technacly, it _is _what I want. But not me!" He corrected, looking at me. "But..my ghost, from 1850, he is still me, and if he wants to move on…well…he is a part of me, Susannah. So I _have_ to want to be moved on."

Oh, great God. I forgot the waterproof mascara. I must have looked hideous.

"Don't cry Susannah."

"Jesse, what if he finds another mediator to help? Will _you_ move on?"

Jesse looked down.

"Jesse, no! This cant happen, you cant leave, not now! Not by him! Not from my mistake." I whispered the last thing, staring at my feet. "This is all my fault, this is my mistake. I am so sorry."

"Querida." He didn't say it wasn't my fault. He didn't say that it was going to be okay. He didn't say anything that I hoped he was going to say, but he put his arms around my waist and kissed me.

It was different. I felt his feelings. I felt worry, panic, but I also felt trust.

He trusted me.

Did he trust me to take care of this? My head spun.

I felt like stopping. I really did. I was in no mood for kissing. But Jesse's feelings kept pouring into me, and I just thought that stopping would be wrong.

"It could end any time." I said finally, pulling away.

"Pardon me?"

"He could be telling a mediator what he wants right now. You could die anytime."

He stared at the ground. "I suppose you're right, Susannah."

"Oh, Jesse, I cant believe after all that happened, you could be gone, forever, in seconds." I whispered.

"Don't worry." He wrapped his arms around me. "I'm not going anywhere." And then he started kissing me again.

He moved his hands up and down my back, pulling me closer. I ran my own fingers through his hair.

"I thought I told you to stop doing that." Ghost Jesse spoke. I turned. He was standing next to the couch.

"Hi Jesse." I whispered.

"Hello." They both said back.

"Jesse, I am really sorry, but I cant help you. At least, not now."

His eyes filled with anger . The picture shook again. "When." He growled.

"Well, I don't know, after this Jesse passes on himself. You know, dies. Then I can help you, if Im not an old prune. Because then you wont kill him when you move on."

The picture stopped. "Thank you. I will come back later then." He grinned. "Your make ups smudged."

"Well he was co-operative." I mumbled.

"Too co-operative." Was Jesse's response.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "He agreed."

"But somethings wrong." He said emotionless. "Very wrong, Querida. I think we just made a big mistake.


	6. french toast

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The smell of French toast filled my room the next morning. I looked beside me. Jesse was still there and breathing.

I had insisted him on staying the night at my house because…Well, I was afraid. I said that to him and he didn't smile like I thought he would. I didn't have to use much convincing to get him to stay at my house. I guess he was scared too.

"Jesse," I whispered, shaking his arm. "Jesse, wake up. My step father made breakfast."

He groaned and opened his eyes. "This is a good start." He whispered.

"What?" He stood up and pulled on a shirt. Did I mention he slept with his shirt _off?_ If I wasn't so scared I probably would have done something else with him, sleeping next to me and all.

"A good start. I am still alive." He smiled weakly, but I didn't find anything so funny.

"Yeah." I brushed my hair, looking in the mirror.

Jesse slid his hands around my waist. "Do not worry, Querida, we will figure this out together. On our own. That is our job, remember?" He kissed my neck, and I turned so he could meet my lips.

"Suzie!" my mom called. "Breakfast!" We both pulled away awkwardly, smiling dumbly at our own passion for eachother.

I walked towards the door, Jesse following me, but then I stopped him. "Jesse, I don't know if you should come downstairs. My mom will totally ground me. A college guy sleeping over? Dosent suit too well with my mother."

"I know your mother dosent like me, Querida. But why would she be upset about me staying the night?"

"Other college guys…" I explained. "Do different things, when they sleep over at girls houses." I finished. Jesse blushed.

"Right."

"I'll bring you something up." I said quickly as Jesse turned around.

"Thank you."

I walked down the stairs. My mom, Andy, Jake, Brad, and David sat at the table.

"Morning honey." My mom smiled. It was obvious she was tired.

"Morning." I walked slowly to the table. "Are you feeling okay?" I asked, noticing the circles under her eyes.

"I just had a long night, Suze."

"Actually, I'm not feeling too well either." I fibbed. "Do you mind if I take some breakfast upstairs for later?"

"Of course." My mother said, shoveling a forkful of toast in her mouth. I picked up my plate and ran up the stairs, two at a time.

"Jesse, I brought you some food."

"Thank you." He said again. He placed the book he was reading on my bed. "This is French toast?"

"Mmhmm. Eggs and bread. With syrup."

"Hmm." Jesse responded, eating a bite. "Its good."

I smiled. I tried not to think of Ghost Jesse.

I flopped on my bed. "What were you reading?"

"This book," Jesse said, raising his fork to his mouth, "Its called I am The Messenger."

"Dosent sound like something you'd like." I responded, flipping the book.

"I'm trying something new." He finished.

"Oh."

Jesse finished and placed his fork and knife at a certain position.

"Why do you do that?" I asked about the forks and knives.

"Oh." He said, noticing the position. "In the 1850's, it was polite." He smiled. "You should try it, I think that Andy would appreaciate it."

I rolled my eyes jokingly. "I doubt he'll even notice."

"Are you doing something today Susannah?" He asked. I shook my head. "Come back to my apartment. Please."

I was shocked. Jesse was scared. He was _really_ scared.

"Okay Jesse, I will, I just need to come up with a good excuse on why youre in my house." I laughed. He didn't.

"This isn't funny. I am serious, Susannah. We need to talk."

I nodded. "Okay Jesse."


	7. diamonds and small talk

I walked with Jesse over to his apartment.

He said nothing on the way there, nothing up the stairs, and nothing until we were in his apartment and the door was shut.

"Sit down, Susannah." He whispered. "I need to talk to you about something."

I sat down silently. "Whats wrong Jesse?" I asked weakly.

"Nothing is wrong." He almost laughed. I could tell. "I hope not."

"What do you mean?" I asked, turning around.

"Don't!" I turned back. "Turn around."He demanded. "Close your eyes."

I felt something cold wrap around my neck loosely.

"Open them." I opened them slowly, looking at what he had wrapped around my neck.

"Jesse…" I whispered. A diamond necklace. "It's beautiful."

He sat down beside me gently. "Susannah, you know how I feel about taking things farther then we have." I blushed. "But I want to let you know that I still love you more then anything. And I will love you forever, Querida."

I almost cried from happiness.

"Jesse, it is so… thank you." I realized why he was so jumpy. He was nervous. About my reaction.

Like I would throw it on the ground or something.

"Your welcome." He held my hand. "That necklace, it was sort of a proposal."

_What?_ Jesse was _proposing_ me?

"I want you to move in with me."

I didn't know what to say.

"Its okay, if you don't want to." He said after. His voice sounded fragile.

"Jesse, I don't know what to say." I said finally.

"Okay." He looked down. His hand slid off of mine.

"Oh God Jesse. I didn't mean that."

Silence.

"Jesse, I love you too, more then anything in the world. And I want to move in with you, and marry you, and have children, and grow up to be everything I dreamed to be. But, I just need to be with my mom right now. I am still very young."

"I know."

"Jesse,"

"I know." He said again. "Susannah, its okay."

I thought that if I said something, he would cut me off again, so I stayed silent.

"I am scared." He whispered. "You said that it could end anytime, and you were right. And now I am scared that you will be taken away from me forever. I am so afraid that…I guess I tried rushing things. I'll go slower, I promise."

"No, Jesse, don't go slower. Go as fast as you want, but I just don't know if I am ready to move in yet."

He nodded.

"Jesse?" I whispered. I unhooked the necklace and held it out to him. "I'm sorry."

"No." He said back. He pushed my hand back to my chest. "Keep it. Its to show that I will always be with you. No matter what happens."

I kissed him. I had to. It was just so romantic. I dropped the necklace, and sort of leaned on him. He reached for my shirt. I let him feel up my stomach all the way up to the edges of my bra. I reached under his shirt and felt his muscles.

They weren't like Brads. Brads were like, mini watermelons. I don't know why Debbie went for _him. _ But Jesse's…Jesse's were perfect.

"Querida," He whispered against my lips.

_Oh God, don't stop._ I thought. _Things are going really well._

And things were. No ghost Jesse had interrupted, no other weirdo ghosts had, my mom wasn't there, no one could hear us, hopefully, and he had just proposed to live with me.

It was obvious we both had _very_ strong feelings for eachother. And his stupid rules of the 1850's had to come and ruin everything.

"Querida, not…too far." He finished.


	8. almost

I suppose on Jesse's case, things went a little too far. On my case, well…

Not far enough.

Me and Jesse soon made ourselves over to his bed. I am totally serious, he kept with it, too! And then he threw off his own shirt and pressed his hot, steamy, body on top of me. It felt a _lot_ better then Paul. I can say that with all the honesty in the world.

Sooner or later, my shirt ended up on top of Jesse's, which was currently on the floor. Now Jesse, with nothing but his ripped jeans on, was on top of me, with nothing but my bra and jeans on. It felt nice to do something like that with someone I truly loved.

We kissed and kissed for a long time. It felt like heaven, finally, getting to this stage. And then I reached for his belt buckle. He moved over a little, lips not breaking from mine, allowing me to undo it and toss it onto the floor.

And then he took his own pants off himself, thankyou very much.

Now me, bra and jeans, him, nothing but boxer shorts, were together.

"Susannah Simon!" I heard someone bark. I felt that sick feeling all over again. Jesse and I both flung up, embarrassed out of our minds.

"Father Dominic!" We both exclaimed, reaching for our clothes on the ground.

He just stared bug eyed at us. "I cannot believe you, Jesse De Silvia! And you, you Susannah Simon, I will be in contact with your mother!"

I pulled on my shirt as fast as I could. I didn't even hear Father Dom's speech. All I was thinking was, _Father Dom just saw me and Jesse in…almost…our altogether. Together._

"Jesse, I need to speak with you. _Now."_ Father Dominic commanded. Jesse walked over to him. "Clean up your face, boy." He said, almost disgusted. I noticed, as Jesse walked to his bathroom sheepishly, had lipstick smudged all over his face.

Whoops.

I held my head.

"Thank goodness I barged in, things might have gone out of hand." I heard Father Dominic mumble to himself.

Thanks a lot, Father Dom. That was exactly right.

"I apologize Father Dom, this wont happen again." I heard Jesse say, coming out of the bathroom.

"I certainly hope not." Father Dom snapped back, flabbergasted at the entire aspect.

As if he didn't realize that boys and girls do this kind of thing at our age.

And then Father Dom and Jesse were gone, in the other room, discussing whatever they needed to dicuss.

I stepped off of Jesse's bed. I haven't really looked around in here, seeing he just moved in.

I looked over at his dresser. I saw a few pictures, so I walked over and looked at them.

Me. At the beach. Me and Ceecee and Adam were all laughing at eachother eating icecream. I smiled, remembering the moment. The next picture was of me again, sitting at the beach with the sun setting.

"Wow." I whispered. "Jesse is a really talented photographer."

I looked down. His drawer was open.

I looked left and then right, to know if Jesse was watching. He wasn't. He was still chatting with Father Dom.

I looked in his drawer.

He had boxers. I looked up at the celeing. _Boxers._ His pajama's consisted of Joe Boxer pants, that probably hugged his hips and draped above his toes.

I would _die,_ to see him wearing those.

I leafed through his different clothes.

Jeans, boxers, pajamas…

Oh my God.

Oh, my, God.

Jesse had _condoms_ in his drawer.

Jesse!

I slammed the drawer shut.

For some weird reason, I was starting to think that Jesse was ready to break the oath 'no sex before marrige'.

But maybe it was just me.

"Susannah? What are you doing?" Jesse asked from the doorway.

"Oh, nothing." I squeaked. "I just saw this picture." I held up the one that he took of me on the beach.

"Oh!" He blushed. "I hope you don't mind, I just…I got a new camera." He walked quickly over to his drawer and pulled out a lovely black canon. "Sometimes I see you, and you look too beautiful to forget." He smiled.

I bet he would have kissed me too, if Father Dominic didn't but in.

"I had a visit from a mysterious ghost today." He announced. Jesse placed the camera ontop of the pictures on his dresser.

"Who?"

"It was you, Jesse. He asked me if I could help him."

We both looked at eachother.

"But he had an absurd request for his 'unfinished business.'"He explained.

"What was it?"

"He wanted…he wanted you dead, Suze."


	9. too late

"He wanted me _what?"_ I asked.

"Dead." Jesse said.

"I heard, I just don't know why. I mean, why??"

"I suppose no one will know, Suze." Father Dom mumbled.

"Don't call me that." I said back. It just sounded weird.

"Well, it cant be done." Jesse said loudly. "I wont allow it."

"Of course you wont allow it! None of us will!" Father Dom assured. "However there isn't much we can do if he decides to finish it on his own."

My eyes widened.

"I wont let him lay a finger on me! He isn't moving on, neither is Jesse here. Me and Jesse are going to be together until the day we die."

"That day might be sooner then you'd like." Father Dominic said, almost sorry for us.

"Father Dominic, could you maybe just leave me and Susannah alone for a while?"

Father Dominic hesititated. "I don't know."

"Just leave." I said back, thinking about what was in Jesse's drawer.

Once Father Dominic was gone, Jesse looked at me in the eye.

"I know…" He said slowly. "That you might find this insulting." Reached for my hand. "But I really think that if we really love eachother, we could..maybe… because both of our lives are at stake… maybe we could…"

"Yes." I said, beaming. "I do, I want to do this."

He looked at the ground. "Things _are_ different now, aren't they?"

I nodded quickly. I was nervous now.

"So, do you want to do this, for sure?"

I nodded again.

"Okay." He breathed heavy.

"Do you want to go… to the bedroom?" I asked quietly. He nodded.

We both walked into the bedroom. I sat down on his bed and he sat down next to me.

"Okay." I said quietly.

Then he grabbed my head and kissed me. Just the same old Jesse.

I tried to think that as he pulled off my shirt and pushed me on the bed. _Just the same, old, Jesse._

I tried to think that as he threw his shirt off the bed.

I tried to think that as he undid my pants.

I tried to think that as he undid his own.

And then I stopped thinking. I opened my eyes very wide.

As Jesse unhooked the back of my bra I saw another Jesse standing behind him. He was holding my necklace.

When I kept looking behind him, Jesse stopped kissing me and looked at me in the eye.

"He's here." He whispered, breathing very heavily. "Isnt he?"

I nodded. Jesse backed off, in his boxers once again. I pulled the blankets over me quickly, suddenly feeling exposed without Jesse over top of me.

"What do you want?" I snapped.

"You know perfectly well what I want."

We were all silent.

"I am usually a gentleman, Suze. However, you have made me very angry. I told you to stop _kissing_ me."

He dropped the necklace.

"You are beautiful." Ghost Jesse smiled. "You were going to sleep with me, weren't you?"

I gasped. "No! I was going to sleep with him!" I pointed at real Jesse, sitting in the corner, bug eyed.

"That's me. I thought we went over this." He grinned. "Everything he feels…I feel. Everything he sees…I see. Everything he touches…" He leaned into my ear. "I touch. You were going to sleep with me."

I gasped. Jesse was silent.

"Listen, you said you wouldn't help me move on until your Jesse over there, dies. Well, I can help out with that one."

I opened my eyes wide.

"No!"

"Too late, _Querida."_ He said bitterly. And then he disappeared.


	10. lullabies

Me and Jesse just sat there.

What were we going to do?

"Get your clothes on." Jesse whispered.

I slipped on my bra and shirt meekly. He pulled on his pants, but he left his shirt lying on the ground.

"Do not be afraid, Querida." Jesse said comfortingly. "I am going to live through this day like any other."

I shook my head.

"I told you Querida. Do not be afraid. That is how he gets to you, he makes you afraid. If you eliminate all fear of this ghost, then we can defeat him. Two beats one."

"When you were a ghost, two beats one. Now we're about even with the guy."

"What do you mean?"

"One ghost, has pretty much the same power as two mediators. When it starts out. As soon as that ghost realizes what he's capable of doing, then he will be coming after us like children to a chocolate bunny."

"Yes," Jesse agreed. "But Susannah, I'm not afraid. And if you could just not be afraid, we have a chance. Just a tiny little chance."

I looked at the ground. "We cant do anything to him. Nothing, Jesse."

"Pardon?"

"We cant hurt him, because it will hurt you. I cant threaten him, it will threaten you. We cant exorcise him, because then it will exorcise you, and who knows what damage it will do to you."

Jesse frowned slightly. "You have a point."

"So what do we do?"

"We'll just have to get him…good, I guess. If we cant solve his problem," he coughed. "I mean, unfinished business, then we'll just have to fix him up so he can roam the world too."

"That's sick." I whispered. "Jesse, how was it for you to roam the world for a zillion years, huh? How did it feel to watch everyone else move on, die, on their own? How did it feel when you came across a mediator, me, that couldn't help you…just for the reason they didn't want to? How did you feel Jesse? Because that is going to be the _exact _same feeling he has got to be having! You are the same person, Jesse!"

I was yelling now. Jesse just stayed silent. I guess he was still taking in what I said to him.

"If me and this ghost are the same person…" He said carefully. "He must know you."

I nodded. "No duh, he wanted me killed!"

Jesse looked annoyed. "No, he must kind of, _like_ you in the way I like you."

I shook my head quickly. "That's ridiculous. You don't want me killed, I'm pretty sure you don't mind when I kiss you, and anyways, that is the ghost from the 1850. He barely knew me when he died."

He nodded. "But still, we _think_ the same things. We _feel _the same pain. He must at least feel that way towards you, even if it is a little bit."

I paused. He was right. In some weird way, he was.

"Querida, I know what you were thinking before all this," He waved his hand over his body, "happened. You were going to put my soul in Paul's body."

I blushed a scarlet red.

"Just think though, Susannah. You ended up succeeding. You stole someones body and gave it to me. You gave _my _body, to…me."

What?

"Now the _me _from the 1850, has his body stolen. That is probably why he wants you killed, Susannah."

I thought and thought.

Jesse was a genius.

But I didn't want to think about it anymore. I just wanted to think about something else…Anything else.

"How did Father Dominic get in here?" Jesse blushed, recalling the moment.

"He had a key, from when I first moved in."

"Oh." And then I couldn't stop my self. I burst into tears right on Jesse's shoulder.

He patted me awkwardly, and then just held me.

"Querida, don't cry." He whispered.

But I didn't stop.

I wondered if Jesse was going to cry. It didn't seem like that.

And then to comfort me, he sang me a song, a kind of mixed up song to fit my name. I think it was off of a movie, yeah, Uptown Girls. And he sang it gently and softly.

_Jesse's little girl, paints the world with her magic wand. Jesse's little child, breathes new life to the morning tide for me, though we're apart, her thoughts follow me. Jesse's little girl, ties a ribbon around my heart. Jesse's little child waves goodbye to the ocean tide that sweeps me. Though we're apart, she's a part of me._

And then I realized that Jesse was crying. His words shook and were wet. He breathed for air as awkwardly as I did. I held my arms around his waist, me crying on his shoulder, while he held me back, singing softly, crying still, and sometimes taking a break and kissing my hair.

"I'm not leaving." I whispered.

"Don't leave." He said back. "I don't think I can be alone anymore."


	11. these ghosts of you

I woke up again.

Andy wasn't baking breakfast, mom wasn't calling me downstairs.

Jesse was sleeping next to me.

After looking around, I saw that I was still in his house. Jesse wasn't lying next to me.

"Jesse??!?" I called out desperately. "Jesse!!"

"Querida." He said confused, standing in the doorway. "Whats wrong?"

"Oh, I just thought that you…I thought that…the ghost got you or something."

He smiled slyly. "Little do you know."

"What, Jesse?"

"Nothing. Come inside the kitchen. We need to talk."

I walked inside to the kitchen, rubbing my eyes with my fists to show I was still tired. He didn't notice.

"Suze, I found this under your bed." He handed me my diamond necklace.

Wait, _Suze?_ Something was up.

"Is…Is something wrong, Jesse?" I asked quietly, holding my necklace.

"No." He said too quickly.

"So, what do you want to do today?" I asked, leaning on the fridge.

"Tommorow you have school. Why don't you go hang out with your school buddies."

Something was definitely up.

"Jesse, I really think that there is something wrong with you."

"Susannah, I am fine!" He yelled, slamming his fist on the counter.

I turned away.

"Sorry." He whispered. He wrapped his arms around my waist. "I am really sorry."

I turned around and kissed him.

I pulled away immediately.

Jesse's kiss was always enough to light me on fire.

This persons kiss wasn't enough to light a spark.

This was not Jesse at all.

"What did you do with Jesse??" I demanded. "What did you do?!?"

He smiled and laughed. "That is for me to know and you to find out."

I cried of anger and then slapped him across the face.

"I hate you!" And then I ran out of there as fast as I could, knowing he was going to try to kill me. Even though he was alive now, it doesn't mean he changes his 'wants' as he put them.

I raced down the street.

"Jesse!! Jesse!!" I yelled as loud as I could.

When I reached my house, I didn't even stop. My mom ran outside.

"Suzie! We were looking all over for you!"

But I ignored her and kept running.

The tears filled my eyes and I sobbed, running down the street, thinking of how sweetly he sung to me the night before.

"Jesse!!"

I ran all the way down the hill, all the way to the Juniper Serra Mission (**I don't have the books here right now. Is that what the school is called?)**. I was exausted.

"Father Dominic!" I yelled. "Father!!"

I burst through the doors and sprinted to his office. I burst in, him checking some papers.

"Oh Father Dominic, he took Jesse!" I yelled, still crying.

He raised one eyebrow.

"Who took Jesse?"

"Its hard to explain…Oh, Father, he took him, he took him, he's gone!!"

"Calm down Susannah."

Okay.

Wait a second.

Nobody tells Susannah Simon to calm down.

Especially when my boyfriend was stolen from right under my nose.

"Don't tell me to calm down!!" I shrieked. "Don't you realize whats happened??"

"If you could just quiet down and tell me, I would!" He hissed.

I stopped yelling and tried breathing regularly.

"Okay." I said, rubbing my eyes. "When I brought Jesse's body back from the 1850, the ghost from 1850 was still here. He is still here. And he wanted me killed, remember? And then he threatened to kill Jesse, so we both decided that I should stay over, and when I woke up, that evil ghost was in Jesse's body!!" I started crying again.

"Oh dear." Was all he said. _Oh Dear._ After all me and Jesse have been through, he says _Oh dear._

"What do you mean, Oh dear???" I asked, almost insilted. "I came to you with my problems and all you have to say is 'Oh dear'??? I hate you Father Dominic, I hate you!!" And then I ran through the door and ran down the street again.

_Susannah._

I heard Jesse's voice say to me.

_Susannah, do not be afraid, I'm right here._

"Stop it!" I yelled, hitting my head. "I cant hear this!!"

_But Querida, you can. I am Jesse, I am right here._

"No you aren't!!" I yelled, "You aren't right here!!"

_Yes I am. You cannot see me. But you can hear me. Just breathe, and say yes if you can understand and say no if you cannot._

"Yes." I whispered. "I can understand."

_It was like me and that other ghost, Susannah. I couldn't see him, but I could hear him. And now you can hear me, but you cannot see me._

It was coming together.

"Oh Jesse, what did he do to you?" I asked franticly, not sure where to look.

_He didn't do anything to me. He did something to my body. He is inside it now, and you need to stay as far away as you can from him. Do you understand?_

"Yes." I nodded. "I understand."

_He wants to kill you, Susannah. For what you did to him. But there is more to it, Susannah. He is a mediator now. A dangerous one, like Paul. He _will_ get his way. You need to find someone to make sure he dosent mess up this entire world, Susannah. Because he will, once he finds out what he is capable of doing._

"I'll do it myself. That idiot has met his match." Pause. "I mean, that _guy."_

_No. You will not go 100 feet near that ghost, do you understand me?_

"Yes Jesse, I understand, but I really think that I can handle this on my own."

_You cant. Trust me, I know what my ghost is capable of doing. It is a lot more then you can handle. And anyways, I am keeping a close eye on him. You musnt worry, Querida. Just be cautious._

I nodded. "Fine."


	12. wanted you here

"Jesse?" I whispered. I was sitting on my bed. It was about 12:00 am the next morning. "Jesse, are you there?"

_Querida. What is wrong?_

"I just wanted you here." I whispered.

_As you wish._

I felt something land on my hand. As I swatted it away, Jesse said:

_Querida, its me. Don't worry._

His 'hand' landed on mine again.

"Jesse, everything is so wrong." I whispered. "I don't know if I can go to school tomorrow."

_I know, everything is very mixed up. But Susannah, you must go to school. Possibly Father Dominic will be of assistance. _

"No." I said rightaway.

_I have a funny feeling that ghost Jesse isn't Jesse at all. I really think that you should talk to Father Dom._

"What do you mean?"

_I mean…_

I heard him sigh.

_How about I tell you later?_

"Jesse," I whispered. "Please, will you tell me?"

I guess he nodded. I couldn't see that.

"Jesse?"

_Yes. I will tell you, by the time you go to school._

"Thank you." Silence. "Jesse? Are you still here?"

_Yes._

"Will you sing to me Jesse?"

Silence.

"Jesse?"

_What would you like me to sing?_

I smiled. "Anything, Jesse. Just sing to me."

_I walk alone, think of home. Memories of long ago, no one knows I lost my soul long ago, lie too much, she said that she's had enough, am I too much, she said she's had enough, standing on my own, forget about the one I left at home, I need to run far away, cant go back to that place, like she told me I'm just a big disgrace._

I was silent.

"Jesse?"

But he was gone.


	13. lost

**Just a quick note… the songs Jesse sang… they just had pretty lyrics, so if you have heard them they might be kind of…weird, in this story, otherwise, enjoys.**

I sat there thinking about where he must have gone. Why would he just leave like that? He said he was going to explain.

"Jesse?" I called out again. "If you are joking around, I am serious, this is not funny!"

"Suzie?" my mom called. "Are you allright? Its almost 1:00!"

"l'm fine!" I coughed back.

My mind was racing.

"Jesse!" I whispered, lowly. "Jesse!!!"

Nothing.

Jack squat.

I decided to go to sleep. After all, there was school tomorrow. And I didn't think that Jesse was going to show up, even if I called his name 50 times.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Suzie, I know you were up late, but you need to wake up." My mother whispered.

"Okay mom, just a second." I threw my pillow over my head.

"No, not just a second, school starts in one hour, and you aren't even dressed!"

"Okay!" I yelled, annoyed, rolling off my bed and onto the floor.

I stumbled to my feet, walking into the bathroom to brush my hair.

I decided to leave my hair down today. Even though I was probably going to be doing some evil-Jesse butt kicking. I still needed to do it in style.

After I finished picking out my outfit, just something regular, jeans and a t-shirt, I walked down the stairs, grabbed my bag and fumbled out the door.

I checked my watch and realized that I was going to have to get a ride with Dopey. I groaned and headed over to the little car and hopped in the backseat along with my little brother David.

"You look tired." Was Brad's comment when I opened the door. I was too tired to think of a proper comeback, so I just smirked and fastened my seatbelt.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We arrived at the Juniper Sierra Mission (**did I get it right?**) and I walked out of the car. Immediately, Ceecee and Adam joined my side.

"Hey Suze." Ceecee chirped. "Pauls looking for you." She nudged my arm.

I groaned. "Just my luck."

"I really think you should talk to him." She suggested. "He sounded…different."

"What do you mean, _different?_" I asked. "How can _Paul Slater_ sound different?"

"I don't know Suze, he just…He seemed lost."

"Lost?" I repeated.

"Yeah, he's really confused. He even pushed away Kelly Prescott. He keeps asking for Susannah Simon."

"That's weird." I shrugged it off.

"Go see him." Ceecee said. "Go!" She pushed me in a direction, where Paul was standing. He was wide eyed and he really did seem…

Lost.

"Hey Paul." I said grimly. "What do you want?"

"Susannah Simon?" He rushed over to me. "Is it you?"

"Yeeah." I said awkwardly. "You see me everyday, Paul. What's gotten into you?"

"You need to help me." He said, gripping my shoulders.

"Paul! I thought we agreed, hands _off._" I shoved his hands back to his side.

"Stop calling me that!" He said back, desperately.

"What, _Paul?_"

"Yes!"

"Why? That's your name. _Paul Slater. _P-A-U-L S-L-A-T-E-R. _Paul Slater._"

"No!" He yelled, turning from me. "That isn't my name!"

I looked amused. "Okay then, whats your name?"

"Jesse De Silvia."


	14. one true thing

"What?" I said quietly.

"Susannah, I am Jesse De Silvia. You _must _remember me. I saw you in the barn, and you told me you were from the future, and…"

"Why are you in Paul Slater's body?" I demanded.

"Paul…if that is what you call him, he saw me, and he said some words, and then he was in my ghost form and I was in his body."

It sunk in.

_What?_

"So you mean…"

"Yes, yes, you believe me!" He gripped my hand.

"There was a ghost Jesse wandering around, but…it was really Paul Slater?"

"Yes, I suppose so. I need your help to get me back to the 1850's."

I laughed. "Sorry, Jesse, but I cannot go back there again."

"You mean…" He let go of my hand and looked at the ground. "If you set things right, and Paul gets this body back…I will just roam the earth forever?"

I felt bad for him. I mean, it was _Jesse._

"Being a ghost has its benifaits." I whimpered, shrugging. I didn't really know what I was supposed to say.

"Susannah, I will help you set things straight."

_What are you doing?_

It was ghost Jesse.

"Hold on a second, Jesse. I need to talk to…Jesse."

"I know…I can see him. Was Paul a mediator?" I nodded.

"I am just talking to…" I paused. "Okay, look. That ghost of you, it was Paul."

_I know, Susannah. But why are you talking to Jesse?_

"Because…" I said quietly, hoping no one would notice I was talking to the air. "He is lost. He doesn't know what is going on."

_Susannah, I really think you should stay away from everyone involved in this case. This is probably the most dangerous case we will ever encounter._

"I just want to help him. Er, you."

_Let me take care of it, Querida._

"Where were you last night?" I demanded.

_Another time, Querida. Now go back with your friends._

I was temporarily annoyed with Jesse. He was always brushing me off, to get me away.

But then I told myself it was because he loved me. And that was the one true thing I could hold onto then.


	15. twisted reason

"You really seemed into the conversation with Paul over there." Adam muttered.

I made a fake-shocked look at him "Me? Talk to Paul? No!"

He laughed.

"Suze, what was with that? He really seemed lost, but now he keeps changing his expression. Like someone is talking to him."

"I don't know, he really is weird."

I reached into my backpack and pulled out a waterbottle.

As I was drinking a slurp of Dasani, Ceecee asked; "What's been going on with you and Jesse lately?"

I spat my water all over the ground.

"Oh." Ceecee stared at the water on the ground. "Oh-kay…"

"Things are fine!" I squeaked. "Just fine."

"Whatever you say." Adam mocked. I hit him on the shoulder. Ceecee glared at me. _Back off,_ is what It said.

_He understands._ I heard Jesse say. _It is okay to be around him. However, you must keep away from Paul, er, I mean, me. Until we get things switched around. I talked with Jesse over there, and he said that his unfinished business had nothing to do with you being killed. It was something else. Paul wants you dead, for some twisted reason. He might tell other mediators this, so just, watch your back. I'll try to be with you as much as I can._

I nodded. I didn't want to look like a physco path in front of my friends.

_If you need me, just whisper my name. I'm a ghost again, I will be there when you call me._

I nodded again.

_Do you promise that you will stay away from Paul, I mean, me, and my apartment?_

I nodded again.

Wait.

I shook it no quickly.

_Susannah, this is important. Why do you feel the need to see him?_

I stayed silent.

_Come around to the back of the building._ He instructed.

"Guys, I forgot, I'm meeting with someone. Sorry." I rushed to the back of the field and sat down in a heap.

_Why do you feel the need to see him?_

"I don't have the need to see him." I hissed. "But I cannot promise you to stay away from your apartment."

_Why not?_

"Because. I need somethings from there."

_What things? I will get them for you._

"My necklace, my clothes, for that matter. My pants and stuff are still at your house. Some of them I mean. And those pictures. If Paul finds out about those, he might get a little more aggressive."

_Why?_

"You obviously don't know Paul."

_Tsk. More then you know. He's in my body right now, if you have forgotten._

"That doesn't mean you know him."

_Touche. __**(SORRY, DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE THE ACCENT. ITS TOO-SHAY.)**_

"Jesse, I have to get going. I will see you later."

I felt his hand press on mine.

"Is that you?" I whispered.

_Querida, help me…_

He choked. His hand lifted from mine, and it was instantly covered in blood.


	16. inner feeling

"Oh God, Jesse???" I screamed. "Jesse!!" Nothing.

I calmed. Jesse is a ghost. He cant die.

But Jesse wasn't a ghost. He was, some twisted spirit I couldn't see, whose real body was being possessed by my former crush, Paul Slater.

"Jesse, just promise me you'll be allright." I whipered, crying yet again. But that didn't come to mind.

I ran right off the school property. I ran right past my house. I raced up the stairs to Jesse's apartment, slid my own key in the door and barged in.

"What did you do?" I yelled.

"Querida." Jesse, er, Paul, walked out from the corner. "What are you doing here?"

"Save it, Paul. What did you do with Jesse?"

He laughed. "I'm doing the idiot a favour."

_Idiot?_

"Don't call him that!!" I screamed. "What is wrong with you? What is going on?"

"Calm down."

Too many people have said those two words to me. I narrowed my eyes and threw a chair at him.

Seriously, a chair.

And the thing was, despite my nervousment, it hit him. On the head. And Jesse… Paul… Paul came crashing on the ground.

I stood there just staring. My arms were shaking so hard I didn't know what to do. I have just hit a chair over my boyfriends head.

No!

Pauls head. _Paul, Paul, Paul._

"You bitch!" He screamed, holding his head. "You stupid, stupid, _bitch!_"

Normally I would laugh at this. Hardly a threat. However, this was my… boyfriend. Even though it wasn't Jesse on the inside, it was still Jesse's body. No matter what. And here I was, breaking chairs over it. The same body I had almost… done it with. Done IT with.

"Oh God." I whispered, breathing heavily. "Oh my god, oh my god oh my god oh my god!"

My stomach felt sick. My head spun…yet again.

He held out his hand.

Blood.

He was bleeding.

And it was because of me.

"Jesse," I choked. "Jesse!" I was calling him. Somehow I knew he wasn't going to show up.

**Sorry for the short chap… yeah. Well, I kind of need to think about how I am going to get to the next part. Going small chapter by small chapter at a time. ;)**

**Oh, and thankyou very much for the reviews. I love em all:D**


	17. véase

"You are going to be _so_ sorry, Susannah Simon." He hissed, and then like that, he lay his head on the ground and shut his eyes.

"Oh god." I rushed over and felt his chest. "Paul??" Nothing. He wasn't breathing anymore.

I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I spun around and saw Paul standing behind me. Grinning like a fox.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Its all simple Suze. All part of a plan that you will never understand." I reached to punch for his face, but he disappeared and reappeared in the corner. "Stop it."

"Why?" I rasped.

"Because, you need to listen to me otherwise your Jesse boy," he pointed to the body on the ground, "Is going to run out of time and is going to…well… move on. He's a vegetable now, just lying there without a soul…"

He reappeared close enough to my face that I could smell his aftershave. "Listen to me."

I nodded. Immediately, he turned into Jesse.

"See what I can do Suze? You really thought that I was Jesse from the 1850. Ha!"

I stared at the ground. And then flung my head up to his. "What did you do with Jesse?"

He shrugged. "Well, Jesse's under a spell."

My eyes widened. "What?" I growled.

"I told you, you don't know what you are capable of doing. You can change different forms…" he changed back to Paul again. "You can cast spells, you can jump from body to body…"

And then he ripped my soul from my body, and put his in my body. I was a ghost.

"See?" He laughed. "Oh, I could walk around as you all day. You'd be the ghost, and I'd be Susannah Simon." He strutted around the room, as I stared at him bug eyed. "I should look at myself naked." He grinned, holding the ends of my shirt.

"Paul Slater!" I screamed as loud as I could. "Don't you dare!"

"Allright, allright." He held up his hands. "I bet you don't have anything past A, anyways." He taunted, talking about my bra size.

My eyes widened again. "Paul!"

He held the back of my bra strap up to his eyes. "Ah, its 34 B. Nice."

"Paul, you are unbelievable!!" I screamed. "Get out of my body!"

"No way." He smirked. "You need to learn a lesson from Paul."

"Put that strap down." I demanded.

"Fine." He slowly dropped the strap down to its place. "You want your body back?"

I nodded. He pulled himself out of my body. It came tumbling to the ground.

"Hey!" I yelled, looking at my probably bruised arm.

"Well you were supposed to jump in right when I jumped out." He shrugged.

"Paul!" I looked at him in the eye. "I don't know how." I looked at the ground again.

"Well." He shrugged again. I noticed that he looked like me, as a ghost. "Just…jump in."

"Paul!" I yelled again. "Change back to Paul!" I paused. "Please!"

He nodded. He changed to Paul.

I jumped back into my body and stumbled to my feet. I fixed my bra.

"How do you change the way you look, and how to you cast spells?" I questioned, untwisting the strap.

"Another time. Now, I have to get back in this guys body…" He jumped into the Jesse on the ground. "And I'll just give you your Jesse. You're under a spell too. You cant see him."

"I know." I hissed.

"I already told you too much." And then he took something out of his pocket. It was purple. He whispered: "véase" and then blew the dust everywhere.

It was all purple. That is what I saw for about three seconds. Then I saw two Jesse's again.

My Jesse ran over to me and grabbed my arm.

"Querida!" He yelped. "Please, stop what is going on! Please!" His face was dirty and covered with dried blood.

"What did he do to you?" I whispered.

"Querida…" He gasped. "If you are fighting, stop fighting, if you are working, _stop working. Help me, Susannah. I need you…"_

And then he gasped again and collapsed on the ground.


	18. setting things straight

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what he was doing. My first instinct was to yell at Paul. It was his fault this was happening. He was doing something to Jesse to make him in pain. What was it? Oh, a spell. Paul had Jesse under a spell, making Jesse in pain.

Well, first off, I'd like to say that this was a much more brutal spell the something like… maybe a love spell or something, like you always see in Beauty and the Beast. But this was kind of like… A Snow White spell. Multiply that by about, 300 and that's what happened.

_If you are fighting, stop fighting._ I heard him say. I knew that it was just my mind.

What could Paul be doing to Jesse that made him this weak figure collapsed in his own apartment?

I don't know. But it was sick, is what it was.

I flew to the floor.

"Jesse!" I reached for his hand.

"Don't touch me!" He screamed.

I held my hands back. "I don't know what I am supposed to do for you then, Jesse."

"I need help!" He squinted and gasped. "But don't touch me! It is a powerful…" He shut his eyes.

"Jesse!" I looked up at Paul. "What are you doing to him?"

He just looked at Jesse wide eyed, in the form of Jesse. "I…I don't know."

I ran up to him and grabbed his shoulders. "Cut it out right now!"

"Suze, I'm not doing this."

The Jesse on the ground clenched his fists. He gasped for air and then flung to his feet.

"¡Usted hijo de una perra! ¿cuál es incorrecto con usted?" He yelled this, screaming at Paul.

Jesse had been speaking a lot of Spanish lately. I guessed that he does it when he is really mad…or really… happy.

And then the shocking part out of that was Paul spoke back.

"¡Mire a hombre, ese wasnt yo! Juro, yo acabo de desear ponerle en poco dolor. No algo tiene gusto de eso."

And that only made Jesse madder. He took one of his clenched fists and joined it to Paul's face, which was currently in Jesse's body.

All I can say is that Jesse made a big mistake. Not only did he punch his _own_ face, but his ghost suffered the wound too. And Jesse can hit hard when he wants to.

My Jesse held his cheek in his hand. "Tengo que ser tan ignorante!"

I couldn't do anything. Paul started laughing, but I couldn't punch him in the face like I wanted to. I would punch Jesse in the face if I did that.

So I did what I thought was the next best thing. I jumped out of my body. It collapsed on the ground. I ran over to Jesse's body and jumped in. Paul's soul was forced to come out.

"You bitch." He crackled.

He came to jump in Jesse's body again, but then ghost Jesse came and hit him on the back of the head with… a pot. Nice one.

Paul, as, Paul, came crashing to the ground.

I gaped. "Are you okay Jesse?" I questioned, running to his side.

He nodded. "I think that getting in my body was the right thing to do." I looked down. I was Jesse.

"Really?"

He nodded. "It dosent hurt that much anymore. But we still have this _perra_ to take care of."

"Perra?" I asked.

He stared at me. "Don't say that."

"Jesse, could maybe…" I tapped his shoulder, and he shuddered. Pain, yeah, I forgot. "Sorry. But could you go into my body and I go into mine?"

He looked at me strangely. "Of course, Susannah."

I guess he already knew how to do that. I must have been missing out on a lot.

We both switched around.

"Well, that did damage to my jeans." I muttered, smoothing them out. I looked over at Jesse.

I think that might have been the most horrifying thing that I had ever seen. Jesse, in his own body, was still wounded.

And his body changed to match his soul.

Slowly, detail by detail splattered all over his body. Cuts, scars, dirt, blood.

"Oh, Jesse." I whispered.

"Querida, don't focus on that. I'm here in my own body. We are blessed."

I nodded, but it was hard not to at least shed a tear in sympathy.

We had to carry Paul to the car that Father Dom had lent Jesse.

And then we, or, I, Jesse fell asleep in the passenger seat, drove him to the Juniper Seirra Mission. And I took Paul's soul over to Paul's body.

"Allright, big shot, wake up." I slapped the ghost. He fluttered his eyes open.

Poor Jesse, from the 1850 was still sitting in the little monument garden thing. How confused he must have been.

I pushed Paul's soul over to Paul's body. I didn't think that it would work, but surprisingly, 1850 Jesse came tumbling out, and Paul's went stumbling in.

"Thank God." I muttered. "You come with me." I said, grabbing 1850 Jesse's arm over to the car.

"Susannah." Jesse whispered when I walked over to the car. "Please take me to the hospital, this really hurts."

I nodded and slipped the keys in the ignition.

Things were allright.

**This isn't the end, don't worry, just decided to not end with a cliffhanger. . keep reading though, it gets better!**


	19. call me stupid

Sitting in the waiting room was hard.

I suddenly had a headache, and I felt bloated, and I _really_ felt like I needed to throw up.

"Querida, are you allright?" I tossed my head up to find Jesse, now bandaged and treated for, standing above me.

"Yes. I'm fine. I'm just really hungry. Could we stop somewhere and maybe get a bite to eat on the way home?"

"Of course." He held out his hand to help me get up, which I thought was a very gentlemen thing to do.

He wasn't aloud to drive, for some medical reason that he explained to me, but I didn't understand. It was almost like he was talking Spanish. So I drove to the nearest fastfood restaurant.

"Wendys?" Jesse asked, one eyebrow raised.

I nodded. "Havent you ever had fastfood?"

He shook his head. "I don't have it a lot either. But I am _really_ hungry. So lets just stop here."

I helped him out of the car and we both walked towards the entrance.

"What do you want?" I asked him.

"Pardon me, Susannah?"

"To eat." I laughed. "What do you want to eat? A hamburger? Fries? Chicken strips?"

"Yes."

I laughed. "I'll get you a burger."

I ordered Jesse a burger, and me french-fries, a burger, large pop, chicken strips, and oh, another burger.

That is how hungry I was.

I was sitting there, shoving my face, when Jesse held my hand, stopping me from eating a burger.

"Susannah, is there something wrong that you aren't telling me?" He asked.

"No!"

"Susannah, you are making me very…engañe."

"What does that mean?" I asked, chewing on the leftovers of my burger.

"It means, you are making me very confused."

"Why are you confused?"

"Because, Susannah, I think there is something that you aren't telling me. And it makes me… want to _grito._"

"Grito?"

"Cry."

I stopped. What was I doing? Chewing my fries wrong?

"Why?"

"Because…" He sighed. "I think we both know that you have been seeing someone else."

"_What?_"

"You keep complaining about how sick you feel, and now you are so hungry… Call me stupid but Susannah, I think you're pregnant."

"That's impossible." I smirked. "You have to have sex to get pregnant."

He looked at me with kind of a tear in his eye.

"Oh, Jesse! No! I would never do that to you! I.. I was just kind of shooken up by the whole thing…That's what makes me feel this way. I…I wouldn't have sex with anyone but…" I smiled.

He didn't smile back.

"I am going to take you to the hospital to see for sure. Then both of our questions will be answered." He let go of my hand. I stared at him with my mouth open.

"You don't believe me?" I dropped my burger. "You don't believe me!"

He stared at the ground. "I just think that we should _check._"

"We promised not to keep secrets! I wouldn't lie to you! Not about this!"

"Just… just come and do the test, okay?"

"Fine!" I snapped. "I'll do the goddamn test! But guess what, genius? They aren't going to find anything because I am NOT pregnant!!"

The entire restaurant looked over at us. I slammed my pop on the table. "Lets go. Now!"


	20. crossed the line

I just started crying.

Crying, crying, crying. How could this happen?

"Jesse, I swear, I didn't see someone else!" I sobbed, grabbing onto his hand. "You would know!! Cant you tell??" He stayed silent.

The doctor said I was pregnant.

However, this was not possible. Because I did not have sex. Not with anyone. I only 'almost' had sex, which, I believe, it is not possible to get pregnant from. Even if that person does not happen to be wearing protection.

There was only one solution to this problem, and that, was Paul.

"Paul." I whispered, staring into Jesse's eyes. "Paul did this."

"You had sex with Paul??" Jesse cringed.

"No!!" I screamed. The doctor edged for the door. "No!! Never, Jesse! He must have…"

"Cast a spell." Jesse breathed.

"Yes!" my eyes beamed. I grabbed his hand. "Do you believe me?"

He paused. "Always, Querida. Just don't let me down."

I shook my head.

As if on command, Paul appeared in the room. The doctor rushed out.

"I see you found the baby." Paul grinned. I closed my legs.

"Paul Slater, this is the most horrible thing that you have ever done in your entire life!" I hissed.

Jesse clenched his fist. I motioned for him to wait.

"So. You guys haven't broken up yet?"

"Nice try, perv."

"I wouldn't call someone like me that, Suze. I have _power._"

"What do you mean, _power?_" Jesse asked. Paul turned to him.

"She's pregnant with my son." He smirked. Jesse met his fist with his face quicker then you could say querida.

I had a headache now. I couldn't follow through with this. I was like… virgin mary. But now I was Virgin Suze. And instead of our savior being born, a horrible mini- Paul Slater was going to be born. I felt sick.

"I am so sorry, Susannah, for not believing you. I feel like a…" He stopped himself and called someone to take Paul away.

"What do you want to do with the baby?" He whispered in my ear.

And then my head spun faster then a top. "Isnt there some spell that can get rid of him? I cannot bear to raise a child Jesse, I cant have an abortion either. Cant I move his little body into someone who wants to be pregnant? Isnt there a way?"

"Probably." He whispered. "But I don't know it. This…Susannah, we are in a mess, aren't we?"

Tears ran down my cheek like little wet marathon runners.

"I know." I cried. "But I cant…I cant live like this, knowing there is someone else's child in me other then yours."

"Don't worry Querida. We will find a way. I promise you." He kissed me lightly, like I was a flower pedal or something.

"He went too far." I whispered, still crying. "He crossed the line, Jesse. I just want him gone."

"Me too. But, he is just something we have to deal with right now."

I sobbed. "I don't want to deal with him."

**Sorry for the short chappy. This story is steering in all sorts of directions… right or wrong..? R AND R! NOW!**


	21. commited

My eyes flicked around the room.

To the ceiling, to his bureau, to the rug on the floor next to the bed. And then my head turned to Jesse.

His mouth was slightly open, even though he was breathing through his nose. His eyes sometimes squinted, but just slightly, through every breath, like he was in pain.

He probably was. Physically and emotionally. I wondered what it would feel like being Jesse. What it would be like to think that my partner was cheating on me. It would tear me apart inside. I wonder if that was the way he felt.

I brushed his hair back behind his ear.

"Jesse." I whispered.

I thought about my baby. It was _my _baby. I wondered if it was all Paul's genes, or a mix of mine and Paul's.

I sighed. I couldn't sleep. I wouldn't be able to bear it if Paul slipped into Jesse's body again.

I tossed my eyes up to the ceiling. "What am I going to do?" I whispered to myself.

"Querida," Jesse's soft voice broke the sound. "Are you awake?"

"Yes." I whispered back.

"You should get some sleep." I felt his hand reach up my stomach and up to my neck. My entire body tingled.

"I cant go to sleep."

"Is something wrong? Do you feel okay?" He moved his hand down to my stomach.

"I'm fine, I'm just worried."

"Worried?" He shifted closer to me. The blankets rustled.

"Yeah."

"About what, Querida?"

My eyes filled up. "The baby, Paul, this whole, soul possessing business. Everything."

"Oh, Susannah." He kissed my neck. "I thought I told you to not be afraid."

I closed my eyes and let his kiss envelope me in bliss. **(was that too corny.?)**

"Jesse." I breathed. He moved over, now hovering above me, with his arms and legs on the bed obviously, kissing me on the lips. "Jesse." He pulled away slightly and looked at me in the eye.

"Is there something wrong?"

I breathed hard, thinking that I was going to regret what I was doing.

"I can't, Jesse. Not tonight."

He squinted, and then rolled over to his side.

"Anything, Querida."

I breathed heavily and fanned my face with my hands. "I just… I am worried, if I get sick, or if Paul posseses you or something, and…"

"Querida, it's okay."

I gulped. I fanned harder.

"Querida? Are you okay?"

"I think…"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to be sick." I ran out of bed and into the bathroom.

I hadn't been sick in a while. I hate being sick.

Jesse had everything in the room orderly. He was soon over me again, holding back my hair and dabbing a cold towel on my forehead.

I fell ever more deeper in love with him. He was so supportive.

"It's allright, Susannah, this is normal." He assured, even though he probably knew that I knew that all ready.

I finished throwing up. He wiped my mouth and put his arms around my shoulders. He rocked gently.

"I love you Susannah." He whispered. I wanted to kiss him but my mouth felt disgusting. "Do you want something to drink?"

I nodded. He left the room and walked into the kitchen to get me something to drink.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

"No, not really." I replied weakly. He brought a glass of water and some chips into the bathroom.

"Here you are,_encantador."_

He handed me the glass of water and opened the bag of chips afterwards.

"Are you sure you don't want something to eat?" He asked, picking a chip out of the bag.

"I'll go for some chips." I said quietly. He smiled and held out the bag for me. I took a handful and swallowed more water.

"Wish I were with you but I couldn't stay  
Every direction leads me away   
Pray for tomorrow but for today  
And all I want is to be home" Jesse sang. Then he stopped and shoveled another chip in his mouth.

"Jesse, you are a beautiful singer." I whispered.

He smiled back. "Thank you."

**Allright, few things to say here. First off, the last Spanish word Jesse said, something like encantador or something, it means 'lovely.' Just so ya'll know. Second thing is, the song that he sings, is called 'Home' by the 'Foo Fighters'….it is beautiful, look it up on Youtube. Now. **


	22. promise

I managed to get to sleep. Jesse sang me the rest of the song to lull me to my dreams.

I woke up a few hours later by the sunlight. Jesse wasn't lying next to me. A note scribbled on lined paper sat where Jesse should have been.

_Just got an email from the University just out of town. It was really important, I send my deepest apologies to you. There is some things for breakfast on the kitchen table, and I have taken care of Father Dominic. You have a sick day. Please stay here away from Paul and the other Jesse. Stay in my apartment. I will be back at around noon. _

_Deepest Love,_

_Jesse _

I had never seen Jesse's writing before. It was really old fashioned (well, DUH!) and drawn together. All the letters were attatched.

"Wow." I got out of bed and groaned. I looked down and—

"Oh, God!" I screamed. High pitched and drawn out. Somebody knocked on the door.

"Shut up in there! I'm trying to watch Desperate Housewives!" They screamed.

I stopped screaming and looked again.

I was _definitely _ bigger. Almost… a lot bigger. 3 months bigger.

I ran to the phone and called Paul right away. This had to be something with the baby. I was SO not fat.

"Hello?" He said, kind of tired.

"Paul!!" I screamed, and then continued in a hushed tone. "What are you doing to me??"

"What do you mean? I thought that you knew you were pregnant."

"I _knew_ that!" I hissed. "But Paul! I am like… three months, and its only been a day!!"

He laughed. "Oh, that. Yeah. Were you thinking about moving the baby on to a different body?"

I clenched my fists.

"I knew you would. That's why its coming so fast. I added that to the spell, because I want to make _sure_ that this is going to happen. I need to make _sure_ that this baby is born."

"Why are you so sick Paul? What is wrong with you!??!?"

"I said, shut _up!_" The man next door boomed, banging on the door again.

"Nothing is wrong with me, Susannah." He laughed. "We just all have different ways at looking at situations."

"What do you mean?" I asked, pacing the floor.

"I _mean,_" He said, sounding annoyed. "That I think a baby is a wonderful miracle of life. And you think it is a curse, and a burden."

My eyes widened. "I don't feel that way at all!!"

"Really. Then you wont have any problem raising him." And then he hung up.

I cried. Paul made me cry.

And I wailed. I bawled like a baby with his candy gone.

"Susannah!" I heard Jesse say, after the door opened. He rushed over to the bed I was sitting on. "Whats wrong?"

"Paul…" I sobbed. "He added something to the spell. He made my baby grow faster!" I showed him my stomach.

Jesse rubbed his forehead.

"Querida, I think that the only way we can solve this is…"

"Abortion?"

"No…"

"Spells?"

"No,"

"Kill Paul?"

"No, Susannah. I think that the only way to solve this is to… well, raise it as our own."

I stared at him blankly.

"Did you hear what I…"

"Yes." I whispered. "The sad thing is…I…I think youre right, Jesse."

I cried on his shoulder for a long time.

"Querida, don't be upset. Everything is going to be okay. I mean, who says that it is going to be like Paul? We can name it whatever we want. We'll teach it our ways." He said assuringly. "I think, Susannah, that now is your time to be strong for the baby. Be strong for your new family."

I looked up at him.

Me, Jesse, and my new baby were going to be a family.

The phone rang.

"I'll get it." Jesse announced, sitting up, reaching for the phone.

"Hello?" He said. "Oh yes, Miss Simon, she is right here." He handed me the phone.

"Hi mom." I grumbled.

"This isn't your mom."

"_What?_" It was Paul's voice on the other end.

"Like it? I can change voices, too."

"You idiot!" I hissed into the receiver. Jesse raised his eyebrows.

"That is no way to talk to your mother." Jesse whispered. I shook him off.

"So hows the baby?" He taunted.

"Just fine! Jesse and I are going to raise him like a gentleman. Isnt that just wonderful? Now I have a family of my own."

"So you like that thing inside you?"

I hesitated. "Not necessarily _in_ me, but I love him all the same."

"Hm." Was All he said back. "Thanks, Suze. I have an idea about what I am going to do next."

I hung up the phone.

"Susannah!" Jesse said, sounding disappointed. "Why did you tell you mother everything? I don't think that you were being polite, either. What is going to happen when you call your son and he talks to you like that?"

I threw the cordless phone on the bed. "That wasn't my mother. It was Paul."

"Paul?"

"Yes."

"Great God." He said. "Never talk to him, ever! Every little piece of information he gets, he will use against you. He will use it against _us._"

He grabbed my hand.

"I just love you so much, I cant lose you to this idiot."

"You aren't losing me, Jesse. Don't worry. Nothing is going to happen. Promise."

"Promise?"

"Promise."


	23. being sick  a sign of god?

"This is surely a sign of God, not some…evil Paul you speak of." Father Dominic said gently on the other line.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Jesse exclaimed.

"Jesse," Father Dominic continued. "I truly think that. Have you heard the story of Virgin Mary?"

I rolled my eyes. "Father Dominic, please! We have a case here! Paul obviously did it. Your messiah was already born to that Mary person, remember?"

Father Dominic was taken aback. I could tell by the way he spoke. "Goodness graicious Susannah, you need to catch up on your reading! Havent you heard the most important part, where it says God will come back to this world and separate the good from the bad? He will make heaven on earth. Have you not heard?"

"Father Dominic!" Jesse boomed. He was mad now. "We need your help. If you are going to do your preaching job here, we'd prefer you'd just stay out of it!" he stared at the phone as if he were going to melt it with just his firery glare.

"Jesse, I will try to help as much as I can."

And with that, Jesse stormed over to the cordless phone and hung up.

"He is talking ridiculous. I told you Susannah, the only way to solve this is to _raise it as our own._"

I nodded slowly.

"Listen!" He boomed.

"Jesse, stop it." I whispered, voice shaking. His aggresivness was kind of…

Scaring me.

"I wont!"

"Paul." I choked. "He did this to you, didn't he?"

His eyes widened. He sat down next to me silently.

"I think he did, Querida." He brushed his hair back with his fingers. "Don't worry, I think the feeling has passed."

His face went pale. He covered his mouth with his hands and ran to the bathroom. I heard him being sick in the bathroom. I walked over to the bedroom next to the bathroom and sat on the bed.

Paul was doing this to him.

But I didn't get it.

Make Jesse mad. He shook it off.

Make Jesse sick. He'll get better.

What was Paul trying to do? Make him miserable? I don't think that a little temper tantrum and a little vomit is going to do that.

"Sorry Querida, I just.. I don't know how that happened." He said, wiping his mouth with a paper towel and flushing it down the toilet.

I looked at the ground. "Don't worry Jesse, its Paul. I just know he is doing this."

"Paul." He grumbled. "I had a feeling."

He walked into the bathroom again and took of his shirt. He started brushing his teeth.

"Do you still feel sick?"

"Na." he kept brushing his teeth. "I thank at was a one tam thang." That's what he sounded like as he scrubbed furiously at his teeth.

"You sure?"

He turned and smiled at me. "I'm Sure."

I fiddled with my thumbs. The baby was about… maybe five months now.

"I hate how Paul has this thing growing so fast. Barely enough time to get ready."

"How about we go down to the department store today and get ready?" He suggested.

"I don't know Jesse. Imagine what Paul would do if he found out we were gone."

"But Susannah, it will only get worse over time." He whispered.

"I know." I sighed. "That's what I'm afraid of."

The phone rang. I shrugged and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Suze, its Paul. For the love of God, don't hang up."

"I'm not talking to you." I snapped bitterly.

"I need to talk. You don't need to say anything." I stayed silent. He sighed. "Okay, fine! You win! I was going to make a Paul inside of you, but hey, you just cant be beat. Do you want the baby to be a mix of Jesse and you?"

My eyes widened. Something was up.

"You are such a faker. He is going to look just like you."

"I am not. I solemly swear. I have other plans."

I was going to ask but he had hung up.

"I told you not to talk to him" Jesse said angrily, but quiet.

"I didn't say anything that he could have used."

"I trust you." He kissed me. "Should we go to the department store?"

I nodded. "Its now or never."


	24. simple act of kindness

I sat in the passengers seat as Jesse drove up to the store.

"Did he tell you…" Jesse started.

"Tell me what?"

"Never mind, I think it will just start a fight." He pulled out the keys and opened his door. He walked over to my side and opened the door for me. He held out his hand and I took it, him helping me up to my feet.

"Thankyou." I whispered.

"My pleasure." He smiled and walked beside me up to the store we had started out with.

He swung open the door and held it for me. Just another simple act of kindness.

"So, what do you think we should buy today?" He asked, looking over the shelves. "We didn't really have the luxury of all this back in the 1850's." He said under his breath so no one could hear.

I smiled. "I know." I walked over to a crib and started fiddling with the door. "A lot of things were different back then, weren't they?"

"Yes." He walked over and put his hand over mine. "No Susannah, like _this._" He moved his hands over mine to open the crib. I couldn't even remember how he did it.

"I think that this one is too complicated." I laughed and walked over to the next one.

He nodded and looked at one that just slid down for the door. I liked it.

"Susannah, I think that this one is a little too simple. Maybe our baby will figure out how to escape."

We both smiled and walked over to all the cribs.

But every one that we saw was either too small, too big, too simple, too complicated, too expensive, to decorative, too cheap, too _ugly._ We couldn't find _anything._

"My parents haven't seen me like this." I said, feeling a knot tie in my stomach.

Jesse just stared at the ground. "I should tell them."

"They wont believe the whole, I'm a virgin story. They aren't like that. And anyways, how am I supposed to explain that I am five months all ready? Its only been three days!"

He looked up at me. His eyes darkened.

"I guess we will have to keep it from them."

"Until what? My babys fifty-six and he is feeding them their mashed up peas in a nursing home??"

"Susannah, I think that now is a time to be silent."

I growled and then spun to look at changing tables.

He reached for my hand, but I swatted it away.

"I know that you might be upset, Susannah, but there really isn't anything we can do. If they get angry, then they might… I don't know. Have you seen how…like on the discorvery channel or something, when the polar bear…"

I had seen it. I stopped listening.

He was reffering to the polar bear and her little cub, and the little cub was expecting to have babies. And as soon as they were born, her mother abandoned her.

"Jesse de Silvia!! You, you just shut up!!" I shrieked. How could he even _think_ that my mother would abandon me?

I stormed away, trying to run to the exit.

Jesse followed behind me.

"Querida." He whispered, and then stopped.

I guess all he could do was watch as I walked out of that store.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My tears blurred my vision and everything around me. I held my hand over my stomach to seem like I was holding the baby. And then I ran—or what you would call a pregnant woman running—as fast as I could over to the beach.

Now this, was not easy, because the department store I was in was quite far away from the water. But I had finally made it.

I dipped my feet in the cool water. The chill from the waves rushed up my spine.

"Oh, Jesse." I whispered, still kind of crying. I wondered if it was just the hormones.

I held my baby in my arms.

"If you are a little boy, and me and Jesse aren't together anymore, I know the perfect name." I whimpered, crying. "My little baby, I love you more then anything right now. I'm sure that your daddy loves you too right now but…" I choked. "I just cant stand to be around him right now. He hurt my feelings."

I sighed. "Jesse might love you, but I can carry you, for a long time and never put you down. Did you know that? I have never put you down. You have always been in my arms." I sighed.

"Querida." I heard Jesse whisper. "Please don't run from me any longer."

I breathed in.

"It was wrong for me to say that… I know it was… please, please forgive me."

It sounded like he had been practicing this on the way here.

"Jesse, I just am so confused." I said back tonelessly, looking out on the water. The sun was setting now.

"We'll get through this. I promise."

I nodded. "I know."

We were both silent.

"But, I just… I don't know if I want to."


	25. sorry

He stood behind me for a long time.

He didn't say anything else.

He didn't try to come and kiss me.

He didn't even move.

I wondered why he just stood there. I was pretty sure that it was because he wasn't sure what to say.

Finally, I don't know how long it must have been, he walked over slowly and sat next to me.

He sighed heavily and looked at the water.

"Jesse, it was my fault that I got angry, I guess I just over-reacted."

He didn't say anything.

"Jesse?"

He looked up at me.

"Querida, I know how this works, allright?" He whispered gently. "I have handled women in your condition before." I nodded.

"I know that, your mother had a lot of children."

"Yes." He smiled. And then he wiped his mouth and the smile was gone. "You remind me of her so much, Susannah."

He looked down at the sand. He slipped off his shoes and gently tossed them behind him, and dipped his own feet in the ocean (**is it an ocean? Erp..**).

He moved his feet slowly, back and forth, kind of making tiny ripples in the water.

Then he slid his hand over to mine and just left it there. His feet stopped moving. He just sat there with his feet in the water and his hand over mine.

"I did some carpentry work, you know, back in the _day._" He whispered, winking at me. I smiled, but only a tiny bit. "We don't have to buy this stuff." He tightened his grip on my hand. "I'll build it."

There was so much excitement in his eyes that I laughed.

"Why are you so excited?" I giggled.

"Because, Susannah…" He stood up and ran in the water. "I am going to have my first child!!" He screamed loud enough for the old couples walking by to hear.

My smile was beaming now.

"Jesse, be quiet!" I whispered kind of playfully. "They will _hear_ you!"

His eyes widened. He raced back up to me.

"Then let them hear" He whispered back, running towards the water, skipping his feet across the little waves left over from the tide.

"I LOVE SUSANNAH SIMON!!"

I smiled because I knew it was true.

"why so quiet, querida? Speechless?" He seemed to challenge, yelling from one of the ends of the water.

"No." I taunted back.

"Then say something!" He yelled back.

"I love Jesse." I grumbled, still smiling.

"What was that??" He yelled back. "I cant hear you!!"

"I said," rolling my eyes. "I LOVE YOU JESSE!!!"

"Jesse who?" He taunted.

"Jesse De Silvia." I grumbed again.

He ran up to me and collapsed on the sand next to me.

"That's better." He heaved, kissing me gently.

We were just sitting there… kissing …. For a while until we were interrupted.

"Well, I am usually pretty good with patience, but you two have been just sitting there for a very long time doing something best left unsaid."

Jesse pulled away and hid his face by staring at the sand.

"Anyways, I needed to ask you something very serious."

I looked up. Jesse didn't.

It was an old lady. Really old, too. She wasn't the kind of nice, cookie baking types either. She looked _mean._

Or troubled.

"If we know the answer, we'll give it to you the best we can." I said back.

"Good." She snapped. "Well then."

She coughed and straightened up her dress.

"You said that you… well… loved Jesse De Silvia. Correct?"

I nodded slowly. Jesse was silent.

"Well, he happens to be one of my relatives. _Ancestors, _even. Are you related to him?" She asked Jesse.

"I don't know what you are talking about." He grumbled.

"You must know him! He has a wonderful story about love, and jealousy… He was quite the handsome fellow, too."

"I said, I don't know what you are talking about!" He snapped. He obviously didn't want to talk about it.

"Fine then." The lady said sharply. "If you have no care in our history, I will just be on my way."

I filled up with anger.

"This boy here _does_ care about history, because he IS history!!" Jesse flung his head up. "This Jesse here, is the same Hector De Silvia you speak of!"

The old ladies eyes widened. Jesse just choked.

"Susannah, no." He whispered, helplessly.

"You…" She gaped. "You _are_ him! You look… JUST like him!"

"I don't know what youre talking about." Jesse whispered, grabbing my arm, standing up and looking at the sand again.

"Fine then. But I guess you don't want to know about the De Silvia fortune…" She taunted, turning around.

"Fortune?" I said in a raspy voice to Jesse.

"Lets just go."

"But Jesse, a _fortune!_ We could have everything."

"No." He hissed. "If I had a fortune, then I would know about it. I was dead for a long time, Susannah."

"Just listen." I hissed.

We both turned around, but the lady had disappeared.

"You never, _ever_ say anything like that again!" He yelled at me. "Don't you realize what could happen if people knew I was a ghost for 150 years?"

Tears welled up in my eyes.

Damn hormones.

"Stop yelling at me, it isn't my fault! Its that stupid lady, shes so STUPID!" I wailed.

"Take responsibility for your own actions!" He snapped back.

I turned around. He groaned.

"Susannah." I kept walking. "Susannah, don't be like that. Susannah!"

And then, I stuck up my finger again. _The _finger.

"Fine then. Just walk away, Susannah!" He yelled back.

I spun around. "Yes I _will _walk away Jesse!! Because of this _stupid_ baby, and the _stupid_ mess you got me into, and I'm so _FAT_ that I cant run!!"

And then I spun around again and stormed away.

I heard Jesse say "Primero de todos, el didnt de I le consigue en este lío. Usted hizo un trabajo perfecto que ensuciaba todo para arriba entre mí y el Paul."

I turned again. "Don't go pushing this over to Paul!" I shrieked. "If it wasn't for you, _this_" I pointed to my stomach, "Wouldn't be here. Don't deny it! You ruined my life!!"

Jesse stood there.

He didn't deny it.

He stared at me, and then I watched as a lonely tear rolled down his cheek.

"I am _so, so_ sorry, Susannah." And then he turned away and walked down the other end of the beach.


	26. sneaking in

**Hi.**

**I guess that I wasn't too clear…**

**I meant that it was Jesse's fault because he had made Paul mad and jealous so he did that intending to hurt them both. I can see how people didn't get that right away. But anyways, hopefully all that is cleared out.**

"Get up." Someone slapped me gently across the face. "I said, get up."

I groaned and stood up weakly.

"What is going on?" Brad.

"I'd like to ask you the same thing." I mumbled, sitting up, holding my head.

"No, what is with your stomach? What did you do to yourself?"

I quickly covered up my stomach.

I guess that I had walked over to my house and collapsed in exhaustion. In my backyard.

"Nothing. What are you talking about?" I said quickly. Nice cover up, huh?

"Whatever, physco path." He walked into the kitchen. I stood up myself and walked into the kitchen. I decided that I would carry around a sweater so no one would notice. Hopefully.

"You want something?" He asked, opening the refridgerator.

I laughed. Brad? Being nice?

"Whats with the new attitude? Debby not liking how you treat your sister?"

He glared at me. "Mom and Andy are out. Don't tell them."

I smirked. "Tell her what? That your being nice?"

"No,"

"Brad!" We both turned to the arch next to the kitchen.

Well, well, well. Debbie was here.

"Oh. _Youre _here." She hissed. "Brad, I was _going_ to stay, but I just got this huge, migrane. I want to go."

"No, don't leave."

"Look Brad. We had fun last night." My eyes widened. Brad shot a worried look at me. "But its not like I want to stay the day after we had sex."

I must have looked amused. I was shocked more then anything. Brad? Debbie? Sex? It was all too weird.

"Drive me home Brad." She whimpered, walking into the living room.

He ran over to me. "Please don't tell Andy. Or mom." _Mom. _I shivered.

"On one condition." I whispered.

"What." He grumbled.

"I need a ride to my… friends house."

He groaned. "Fine, who will it be? Albino?"

"Shut up." I said, my eyes narrowed. "No…to…um… Jesse's apartment."

He grinned.

"Oh."

"We're in a fight. I just want to even things out."

"Sure." He teased.

"Shut up!" I yelled again.

"Fine. But don't tell them. If you say anything, anything at all, I will say that you had sex with Jesse."

"But I didn't!"

"That's the point. Now get in the car."

-------------------------------------------------

"Hello?" I called throughout the apartment. "Jesse?"

I walked into the kitchen. There was an open textbook about some medical stuff I didn't understand.

My shoes clicked on the tiles as I overlooked the table. There was a notebook with a bunch of blueprints written in it. It looked like…

Oh God.

Baby stuff.

My stomach turned. And it wasn't the baby.

He still cared.

I quickly turned from the table and walked into the bedroom. My diamond necklace sat on the ground, covered in dust.

I picked it up and cried a lonely tear.

"Oh Jesse."

I wrapped it around my neck.

I slowly wandered over to the bed. A journal lay there. I picked it up. It was open to today.

_Susannah is angry with me. I wish that she wasn't. _

That was all? What kind of lousy entry was that? Where was the part that said he wanted me? In frusturation, I threw the journal back on the bed.

I heard the door open.

"Is there someone here?"

It was Jesse.

"Yes, Jesse, its me." I called, hoping that he wouldn't be angry, or upset.

He walked into the bedroom.

"Look Jesse, I am really sorry that I said those things at the beach. Its mostly…well…the hormones, I guess. That come with being pregnant."

He stood in the doorway.

"Susannah…" He whispered. "You wore the necklace."

He stared at me for a minute, and then ran up to me and kissed me.

His lips moving against mine felt so different. They seemed filled with passion and desire.

We both ended up sitting on the bed, kissing kind of awkwardly because of the huge lump of my stomach.

Suddenly Jesse pulled away.

"What?" I asked in a daze.

"He kicked me!" Jesse exclaimed, looking at my stomach.

"_What?_" I asked again.

"The baby, he…I felt his little foot kick me!"

"Oh, that's allright Jesse, it just means he is healthy."

"No, he felt mad."

"Mad?"

"Yes, Susannah. We should stop."

I laughed. "No Jesse, he cant be mad. He is just a little fetus. Look it up in your textbook."

His face straightened. "I know that. I just… I go crazy over the little guy."

I smiled.

And then frowned.

"Jesse?" I asked quickly.

"Yes querida?"

"I need you to take me to the hospital right now."


	27. elodie and matthew

"Twins!" I heard. It was all blank from there.

I just thought, _Twins?? _How could Paul give me _Twins?_

Jesse had his hand over mine. He wasn't paying attention to the doctors. He was just holding my hand.

Finally I heard the babies cry and I collapsed on the hospital bed.

"Its over now Susannah. You're going to be okay." He whispered smiling. The doctors cleaned the babies and handed one of them to Jesse. Then they gave the other one to me.

"Oh, Susannah." He whispered. "It's a boy."

I rocked my little baby in my arms. "Mine's a girl." I laughed. I looked at her little eyes.

There wasn't Paul there.

There wasn't anything bad or evil in there at all.

Jesse's eyes. She had Jesse's eyes.

I smiled and cried a tear of pure joy for my baby. "What should we name them?" I whispered.

Jesse sat in the chair and rocked his baby. My baby boy reached out and grabbed his finger.

I was guessing Jesse didn't hear me, so I held my baby close to my face and whispered,

"Elodie De Silvia. That is your new name." She opened her mouth and stuck two fingers in there. I laughed and looked over at Jesse.

"I named him." He whispered. "I hope you don't mind."

I shook my head. "No Jesse, I don't. I named her." We both smiled. "What did you name him?"

"Matthew." He said quietly. "Matthew Andrew De Silvia. It was my fathers name."

"Matthew." I whispered. "I named her Elodie."

"Elodie?" He smiled. "Its beautiful."

I nodded. "This is all going to work out, isn't it?" I asked quietly.

He smiled broadly and shook his head. "Yes, Querida, I think it is."

But it didn't.

**Sorry for the short chap. I have to go to school now. Thanks for the reviews. Adios! (hehe, I used Spanish.)**


	28. far away

"Elodie's little melodies, my baby girl I sing." Jesse sang, rocking Elodie slowly.

I was listening to Jesse's beautiful voice while I was feeding Matthew.

"Matthew, I hope you grow up to be just like your daddy." I whispered, kissing his forehead.

"Goodnight angel." Jess whispered, placing Elodie in the white crib against the wall.

The crib _he_ built.

Jesse had been calling Elodie 'angel' ever since he laid eyes on her. Soon I started calling her that. My nickname for Matthew was 'cookie'.

"Hey, baby cookie." I cooed, pulling the empty bottle from his lips. "You've drank your whole bottle."

"Do you want me to fill it up?" Jesse asked, walking over to me.

"I think that two bottles in one night is enough." I laughed.

Jesse scratched his head. "I guess I have a lot to learn."

I smiled. "You'll learn in time, Jesse."

"In time." He repeated.

Matthew opened his eyes wide. I rubbed my fingers on his tiny head, feeling his soft brown hair that felt like velvet.

Jesse scooped Matthew out of my arms and placed him gently in the crib next to Elodie, which is when Matthew started bawling.

I rushed over and picked him up.

"He will never sleep in his crib, Jesse." I whispered. "I thought you knew that."

"Sorry, querida."

Hearing the sudden wails from her twin brother, Elodie awoke and started crying herself. Jesse walked over and picked her up.

"Angel, don't cry." He rocked her on her shoulder, but it was no use. The twins had gotten started.

"Is her diaper dry?" I asked between them crying.

"Her _what?"_

"Her… her DIAPER!"

There was a bang on the door. "Will you shut those animals up?!? I am trying to sleep!"

I huffed. "Animals…I'll show you animals…"

"Querida, calm down."

I bit my lip.

"Its okay. He is just a grumpy old man."

"He's a bitch, that's what he is."

"Susannah!" Jesse said, a little loud.

I just curled my lip and rocked Matthew.

"I just don't want you to use that language in front of the children." He hissed.

"I am defending my children!" I yelled back. "This is my family!"

"This is my family too, Susannah, if you have forgotten!"

"No it isn't!" I yelled through tears. "You are not related to these children! They are _mine!_ You have no part!"

"We shouldn't fight."

"No, we shouldn't, but you just keep throwing out reasons for us to fight Jesse! I don't understand you!"

"We started this fight because you cant control your bloody temper!"

"Shut up!" Matthew started crying.

"Don't tell me to shut up, Susannah!"

"I'll say whatever I want to say!"

"You will respect me in my own home!" He yelled back.

"This is _our _home!!"

"Well, maybe it shouldn't be your home! Maybe you should just leave!"

My eyes widened. And filled with more tears. I stared at Jesse and Elodie for a second, and then ran to the door.

"Susannah," He said desperately, rushing after me. "Susannah, don't leave."

I just looked away and slid on my shoes.

"I'm sorry!"

But it was too late to apologize, for I was already slamming the door in their face.

---------------

I held Matthew close to me as I ran down the stairs.

I ran.

I ran far, far away.

I didn't know where I was going.

Me and Jesse fought.

A lot lately.

Maybe Jesse wasn't my one true love.

Not my one and only.

Maybe I was fighting for something that wasn't worth it.

Maybe there was someone else.


	29. scott

I sat on the park bench.

Was Jesse going to come for me?

If he was, I wish that he would hurry up.

Dark covered the sky, and it became very cold. Matthew started crying softly.

"Baby, baby, don't cry. Don't cry." I rocked him back and forth.

I f I knew how to get home, I would go there. There was no use being stubborn anymore. Matthew was cold, and hungry. I would even tell my own mother I was pregnant to give him a home.

But I didn't know how to get home. I didn't know where I was.

Matthew kept crying. He was only wearing a little Tshirt and some denim pants.

The wind blew my hair around. I had taken my thin sweater and wrapped it around Matthew, but he was still cold and still crying. His bottom lip was shaking as he cried as loud as he could.

Me, crying and shivering from the cold, was just praying for a little bit of sun.

"God, if you are out there, please, my baby is cold."

I decided that I couldn't stay there any longer. I started running. But to where? The hospital. I had to go there. That would be someplace warm, and if Matt was sick, they would help him.

Sounded like a perfect plan.

But one flaw…

I didn't know where the hospital was.

So I just ran.

Ran to keep warm.

I ran past houses, past apartments.

Was it Jesse's apartment? I couldn't tell. Matthew was just crying so loud that I couldn't even think straight.

I kept running until I came to a street with lots of people. Where was this, downtown?

I rushed throught the people, ducking under umbrellas and jumping over the curbs. Then, I couldn't see anything. Matt was crying, I was crying, I couldn't hear, I couldn't see…

I fell.

I remember.

I fell down.

I was holding Matthew for the most part, but then he detatched from my grip and someone else picked him up.

I jumped to my feet, knees bleeding. Someone was running away with Matt.

--

"Someone stop him!!" I yelled as loud as he could. "He took my baby!" Immediately, A man in a black trench coat went chasing after the other man.

"Help!" I cried. "Oh Matt." I whispered.

"Stop!" The man in the black coat yelled.

I watched from ahead. The black coat man was tackling the other man, and was now running over to me.

With Matt.

"Oh God!" I cried. "Thankyou so, so much!" I cried, holding my baby.

"No problem. I caught a glimpse of that guy.. The police are on their way." His voice was deep, a little lighter then Jesses, but deep all the same. Then he turned back to me.

He had blondish brown hair that draped over his eyes. His eyes, blue, and green, with…

Orange. His eyes had flecks of orange.

He had a bit of scruffle around his chin, something that Jesse managed to cut off every morning.

"Wow." He whispered.

"Excuse me?" I snapped, rocking Matthew.

He cleared his throat. "Sorry. Its just…" He fidgeted with his hands. "Could I get your number?"

I smiled. "I don't have a number right now. I just… keep moving. You know?"

He nodded. "I'll give you mine then, alright? You call anytime… on the weekend though, I have to work during the week."

"Oh." He _works?_ "What do you do?"

"Im a firefighter." He grinned.

I smiled back. "Thanks so much… uh…"

"Scott."

"Scott. Nice to meet you."

He smiled. "Pleasures mine."

It was only when Matt started to cry louder when I realized he was hurt. Probably from the fall.

"Oh, he's… he's bleeding."

"What?" I looked over him. His knee was scratched.

"Come over to my apartment, I'll look after that. You guys look cold, too. You don't have to…"

"I would love to." I smiled. He was really…

_Nice._

"Here, my cars parked over there." He nodded towards the parking lot. "Uh…"

"Suze." I followed him. "Susannah."

"I love your name." He whispered.

It sent shivers up my spine.


	30. 60

We drove in silence across the town.

He turned up the heat, so Matthew had stopped crying.

"So, you're name is Susannah?"

I nodded, holding Matthew tight. I prayed to God that he wouldn't crash, so my seatbelt-less baby wouldn't smash his head on the dash.

"Yes."

"What's your babies name?"

I stroked Matt's hair. "His name is Matthew."

"That's a sweet name." He said, carefully stopping at the light. "Do you have a job?"

I shook my head. "I haven't finished highschool yet."

"Oh." He said, smiling. "Which highschool are you going to?"

"Juniper Serra." **(sorry, is that what its called?)**

"Oh." His eyes widened. "Oh!" He started driving again. "You know Sean then?"

"Sean?"

"Yeah, he just started there on Monday."

"Oh…no, I missed some school, taking care of my kids."

"Hmm." He slowed down as he turned a corner. "So you broke the whole, no sex before marridge oath?"

I choked, and gasped at the same time. "Scott!" I exclaimed. He smiled.

"No harm, no harm." He said playfully.

"I don't think that its any of your business!" I said, laughing a little.

"I was just wondering, Im a very curious man."

We paused.

He pulled up in a parking lot to a building that looked kind of familiar.

Very familiar.

He opened the door and walked over to open mine.

"Beautiful girls should not have to open doors themselves." He added, as me and Matthew stepped out of the car.

He lead the way into the apartment.

It _was _ familiar. But why? Why did this place seem so… nostalgic?

"Mines near the top, do you want me to carry Matthew up the stairs? You both look exhausted." He said, walking over to the stairs. He waved to the attendant, who smiled and waved back.

"No thanks, Scott, I'll carry him."

I carried him up the long… familiar… steps.

We passed a lot of numbers.

50, 51, 52…

52?

That was Jesse's apartment number.

Jesse.

Jesse's apartment.

This was Jesse's apartment.

I rushed past his door. He was someone that I didn't want to see right now.

"Whats the hurry?" He asked gently, placing a protective hand on my shoulder.

"No hurry. No hurry at all, Jesse."

His face scrunched up. "Jesse?"

"Scott!" I corrected. "I meant, Scott."

"Okay." He said again. I kept walking.

"Susannah?" He called. I turned. "My apartments 60. You passed it."

Embarrassed, I hurried over to his side. He opened the door and held it for me.

"Here you are." He whispered, closing it behind us.

It was dark for a second, but then he flicked on the light.

We were all standing in a hallway, that turned a corner. There were pictures everywhere.

Some were taped, tacked, maybe even glued, some were framed. But the walls were covered.

"Excuse the pictures." He said warmly, slipping off his coat. "Do you want me to take your jacket?"

"Yes, thankyou." I said, handing him my trench jacket. "And I love the pictures."

Some of them were of him and some other people, smiling, frowning, laughing. I loved them. Most of them were him and another guy a little younger then him, maybe his brother. Or best friend, maybe.

"Do you want me to get him a bottle, or something?" He asked, slipping his hands in his jeans.

"Do you have one?"

"Yeah," He said, digging his hands deeper. "My girlfriend was having a baby, but she's gone now."

Gone.

I felt instant sympathy.

"Oh." I said softly.

"I'll get him a bottle." He said, walking past the hallway and into another room.

I stood there awkwardly. "Suze, you can come in and sit on the couch or something, of you'd like." He called from the kitchen.

I walked in from the hall and into another room. The kitchen and the living room were connected. The living room was filthy.

Not to the point where there was bugs sharing your potato chips. But there was glasses on the table, clothes draped over the couch, and magazines all over the place.

I walked over and sat on the couch. There was a box of cigarettes spilled on the table.

"You smoke?" I asked quietly.

Scott looked over quickly. "Not in the house," He said quickly. "But yeah, I have an occasional cigarette every once and a while." He filled up the bottle and brought it over to Matt.

"Do you want this heated, or something?" He asked, staring at the bottle, almost interested in it.

"No, its okay, that's fine." I took the bottle and fed it to Matt.

Scott walked back in the kitchen. "Do you want something to eat? I'll make you some toast, or whatever."

"That would be wonderful." I said weakly, watching Matt drink the milk slowly, happily.

"You can look at some of the magazines if you want. My toaster takes a while."

I rested Matthew on the pillow and looked through the magazines on the table.

People, some Fire Fighting magazine, Seventeen…

"You read _Seventeen?_" He blushed.

"No, that was my girlfriends subscription." I stopped talking.

Some engineering thing, fire fighting again…

Woah, he had…

Porn.

"Scott!" I said, offended.

"What?" He looked over my shoulder, and then snatched the magazine back from me. "Oh, God, I forgot about that!" He opened the trash and chucked it in. "How embarrassing." He muttered.

Suddenly not interested in the magazines, I picked Matt up again and rocked him.

"Here, your toast is ready. Do you want eggs, or, fruit or something?"

"What kind of fruit do you have?" I asked, taking the toast on the plate he handed to me.

"Just name any kind. I have a lot."

"Do you have… raspberries?"

He grinned. "Yeah, you want some?"

I smiled back. "No thanks. I was just seeing if you have _every_ one."

"Well, Im having some." He said to himself, filling a bowl with the fruit. He walked over and sat next to me.

I bit into my toast.

"You want something to drink?"


	31. love me

"Wait, wait, wait, wait." He mumbled, eyes to the ground, him waving his hands. "Put the baby over there. Theres a crib."

I laughed as I sweeped Matt off the couch and placed him in the crib.

"Now where were we?" I whispered, racing back over to Scott.

--

Allright.

Let me explain.

After Scott asked me if I wanted a drink. Lets start there.

"Do you want something to drink?"

I stroked my fingers through Matt's hair.

"I've never had a drink before." I whispered, shyly.

"Oh!" He sat up. "Yeah, I forgot, you're a highschool girl."

"What is that, your excuse for not giving me a beer?" I asked.

He leaned back, grinning again. "What do you mean, excuse? You said you don't drink."

"No," I said, laying my sleeping child on the couch, "I said that I'd never had a drink before."

"So," Scott folding his hands on his chest. "Do you want a drink, or not?"

A challenge.

"You go ahead, get me a drink." I said back.

"Oh." He said, looking amused. "Susannah comes back into the game!" He stood up and walked over to the fridge.

"One for you," He pulled out a bottle, "And one for me." He walked over, two bottles in his hands, and plopped back on the couch.

"Lets get this party started." He whispered, opening the bottles, handing me one.

I hesitated, and then thought about all my problems.

People said in movies, that they can drink the problems away. I know that I sound pathetic, but I was desperate. I needed to find a solution to this conflict.

"Cheers." I said hoarsely, bringing the glass to my lips.

It tasted bitter at first, but once I had finished, it had a sweet aftertaste.

I slammed it on the table. Scott finished, shortly after and raised his eyebrows.

"Impressive." He grinned. "Another?"

I cleared my throat. "Bring it on, _fireboy._"

--

Four. No, Five. Maybe four. No, definitely five.

It was hard to keep track when I couldn't even see straight.

"That's enough drinking!" Scot wailed. "I'm as drunk as _hell._"

I nodded in agreement.

"You drunk too??" He asked, moving closer to me.

"Hell yeah!" I yelled back.

"Well then you wont mind if I do this." He grabbed my shoulder and kissed my neck. "Youre so beautiful, Susannah." He mumbled into my skin.

"Oh, Scott." I whispered.

He moved his hand over to my chest. He shifted closer over to me and forced more lust into his kiss.

Which brings us to the beginning.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait." He mumbled, eyes to the ground, him waving his hands. "Put the baby over there. Theres a crib."

I laughed as I sweeped Matt off the couch and placed him in the crib.

"Now where were we?" I whispered, racing back over to Scott.

Scott threw his 'Led Zeplin' shirt on the ground.

He was almost as strong as Jesse.

I lied on top of Scott, just him and I kissing, feeling, as he said he was a man of curiosity.

And then his hand reached for my shirt. I let him run his fingers around the hem.

"Mmm, Susannah." He whispered, between kisses. Boy, we were drunk.

He raced his hands up my shirt, and felt the outlines of my stomach.

"Your skin is so soft, Susannah." He whispered again. Then he reached under and pulled my shirt off, throwing it on top of his, on the floor.

He turned over, now slightly on top of me, filling my body with his heat.

Scott wasn't Jesse.

Scott wasn't neat like Jesse, he wasn't quiet like Jesse… they were both different types of gentlemen.

But Scott was _normal._ He was just like every other guy out there. He drank, he smoked, he read Porn Magazines. He was… so … different, then what Jesse was.

And now here I was, about to make love with a boy I barely knew, yet someone I could pour all my feelings into and not worry about what might happen.

Scott quickly undid the buckle on his pants. He threw his belt on the ground and started working on the button to his jeans.

"Scott," I whispered. "I cant see straight." I complained.

He threw his pants off quickly and came closer to me. He moved his lips to my neck.

"That's all right, Susannah, that's all part of being drunk." He said into my skin.

He was wearing blue and red striped boxers that hung around his knees. He moved slighty over top of me again, this time feeling my chest.

I moaned quietly. He breathed heavily as I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Scott," I whispered. I closed my eyes. He ran one hand up to my hair and raced his fingers through.

"Suze, take your pants off." He said seductively.

This is when I wondered if Jesse knew Scott. They _were_ sort of neighbours, sort of. Maybe Jesse and Scott were friends. Thought too soon.

"Mmm." I said back. I fiddled with my button, but I couldn't get it undone.

"No Susannah," Scott said, moving his hands to my pants. "You just slide this buckle." He moved his hands over mine, and instantly my pants came undone.

"Take them off." He said, leaning back on the couch.

Following his request, I tore off my jeans and lay back on top of him.

"Oh, Scott." I moaned.

His hand skipped over my hips and up to my bra. As he unhooked the back, I moaned a little too loud.

There was a light knock on the door.

"Scott?" A faint voice from the other side of the door called. "Scott, its me, Sean."

He sounded the same. As Scott, I mean.

As the door opened, we both flung our heads up to see a teenage boy, almost identical to Scott, staring at us wide eyed.

"Woah!" He exclaimed, walking in the room. "Sorry…I- sorry, Scott."

"Sean!" Scott screamed. "Get out!!" Sean held up his hands and backed up into the hallway.

"I'll stop by some other time, then." Sean called through the hall. "Yeah, love you too, brother." He mocked, and then slammed the door.

"My stupid borther…" He mumbled. His speech was still slurred. "He always does this, the stupid mother f—"

"Scott!" I grabbed his head. "Just…" I thought. "_Love me, Scott. Love me._"


	32. caught

The last thing I remember about that night was me hugging the toilet, throwing up like it was the end of the world.

There always has to be a downside to everything, doesn't there?

Getting drunk, I get hung over.

The simple math of it all.

I cleaned my mouth, stood up straight, and then I thought…

_Where the heck am I?_

I almost started panicing. I was putting together the pieces. The bathroom was a little messy, but hey, whos isn't? My hair was messy. There wasn't a hairbrush anywhere…

I was wearing…

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

I was wearing a black Led Zeplin shirt.

I had to run to the toilet again. I felt sick.

Sick minded, sick to my stomach…

I was _sick._

After I had stopped throwing up, I ran into the bedroom.

Scott was lying there. Sleeping. His boxers were on. That's a good sign, wasn't it?

"Scott?" I whispered. I sat on the bed. I poked him. "Scott!!"

His eyes fluttered open. "What?" He sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Scott, Oh my God…" I sat on the bed, tears streaming down my face. "What happened last night?"

"We got drunk, Suze." He mumbled, still rubbing his eyes. "Aw, got the _major_ headache. Do you have the headache or the nausea?"

"What?"

"Did you throw up?"

"Yes…"

"Then you got the nausea."

"Scott!" I held his shoulder. He looked at me with his beautiful eyes. Unique eyes.

"Yeah?"

I was still crying. "Scott, tell me this, did we…" I couldn't even bring myself to say it. "Did we…"

"Have sex?" He suggested.

"Yes."

He looked confused. "No Susannah, I don't think we did."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Do you know for sure?"

He looked at me, confused. "You were a lot more drunk then I was, weren't you?"

"I don't know." I said, holding my head.

"Yes…" He looked at the ceiling. "Sean came in, I remember that, then you stood up and… walked over to the fridge, got some shots…"

"Shots?"

"Yeah. Shots." I guess I still looked confused, because he explained. "You know, in the little cups, you chug them…"

"I know, what shots are, Scott!" I leaned my head back.

"Oh. Well… you brought some of those, and more… bottles over…" He held his head again. "You gave me some, and we just sat there drinking, getting completely wasted."

I closed my eyes. "So I sat there…"

"In nothing but the bottom half of your underwear." Scott pointed out. I smirked in response.

"I sat there… in nothing but the bottom half of my underwear… drinking shots with you, and you were wearing only your boxers …"

"Most of the time." He stated, keeping his eyes away from me.

I gaped, but then went back to my normal state. "But we didn't have sex."

"No."

We both sat there in silence.

"Thank God." I whispered, finally.

Scott looked at me with almost… hurt? Hurt in his eyes.

"Why 'thank God', Suze? You seemed to like me _a lot_ yesterday night."

My heart jumped. "Scott, I _do_ like you. But Scott, we were _drunk_. I said things I don't mean, I was confused. There was a billion things that could have gone wrong…"

"Like what?"

_Jesse could have walked in._ I thought.

"I don't know…" I fumbled. "Did you have protection?"

He looked flabbergasted now. "No, no I didn't. Youre right, Suze."

There was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it." Scott muttered, stepping out of the bed. As he pulled on his jeans, the person knocked again. "Hold your bloody horses!" Scott called. Then he walked over to the door, just wearing his jeans, and opened the door.

"Hello, Scott." I heard a baby crying.

"Oh, hey Jesse."

_Jesse? _

Jesse was here. He was at the door. I turned my head up, to see if it was my Jesse.

"I was wondering if you had an extra bottle…" Jesse looked in my eyes.

I felt his heart jump. He saw me there, sitting on the couch in his neighbours house…

In nothing but Scott's oversized Led Zeplin shirt.

"Nevermind." He swallowed. I could tell he was trying not to cry. "I'll just…" He pointed to the stairs. "Get it from somewhere else." He squeaked.

Elodie cried, in his arms.

Scott nodded. "Alright, if you need me, just, come by anytime." He started closing the door. "See ya."

Jesse nodded, eyes wet, "See ya." He choked, and then walked quickly away with my crying daughter.


	33. hospital bed

I stood up, almost crying myself.

"Jesse, no." I whispered. My heart skipped. I walked quickly over to the door but then stopped myself. _What would I say?_

Scott had a concerned look on his face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I said.

"No," Scott walked over to his crib. "Your baby, I think there is something wrong with him."

I ran over to Matt. "Cookie?" I whispered.

He was breathing, hard. But his eyes were closed. His arms bent quickly in different ways.

"Whats wrong with him?" I asked, crying.

But I never got my answer, because I bent over and threw up all over the floor.

Then it was black.

---

"Alcohol Poisining." My eyes lifted weakly open.

"What?" I mumbled.

"Do you drink?" It was a doctor, standing over me.

"No." I muttered weakly.

"Did you drink?" He asked, looking as if he wanted to prove a point.

"Yes…" I said slowly.

"When was the last time you had a swig?" He asked, trying to use a popular term.

It was pathetic. Like me. "Last night." I grumbled.

"How much?"

"I'm not sure."

"Do you know someone who could tell me?"

"Is Scott here?" I asked, sitting up. "Where's Scott?"

"Scott Astrid is in the other room. You can see him after you answer some questions, so lets get them done quickly, okay?"

"He knows how much alcohol I had last night." I coughed. "Can I see him now?"

----------------Scott--------------

I sat in the waiting room rubbing my head. What to do, what to do.

I felt wrong, sitting in the waiting room with Susannah's parents. I think they are her parents. The lady, for sure.

When Susannah fainted, I just ran for the phone to call 911. Her baby was sick, and now she was sick.

And now I waited, for the girl that I loved, to come out of the ER and say that she loved me too.

It made my stomach feel sick to think that maybe she didn't love me. But I tried not to think about that.

"She's ready to see you now." The doctor announced. Me and Suze's mom stood up.

We both rushed into the room, her mom slightly ahead of me.

"Suze?" Her mom asked. "Oh, Suzie, Im so glad your okay." Her mother sat on the bed next to her. "What happened? Why are you here?" She asked.

Suze had a worried look on her face. She didn't want to tell her.

"Mom, I have something to tell you…"

"She fell down the stairs." I said for her. Suze smiled quickly at me.

"Oh, Suzie, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I don't think I was hurt or anything, I just fainted from the shock…" She said carefully.

"Oh, Suzie." Her mother hugged her. "Did you save her?" Her mom asked, looking up at me.

I nodded. "…Yeah! Sure did. Called 911, if that's what you mean." I sputtered.

"Mom, could I see Scott alone, for a second, please?" Her mom looked at her with concern.

"Of course, Suzie, anything." Her mom stood up, kissed my cheek, and then walked out. Suze stood up and ran over to me.

I hugged her tightly.

"Thank you, so, much, Scott. For everything." I kissed her hair.

I rocked her back and forth, just standing there.

"You saved my life _twice,_ Scott."

I thought about it. From the cold, and calling 911. I guess I had saved her life twice.

She pulled away and looked in my eyes.

It seemed she was in deep thought, thinking about what to say, or what to do. She was weak, tired, from being in the hospital for so long.

And then I leaned forward and kissed her.

She went with it for few seconds, running her fingers through my hair. I pulled her closer to me and slid my hands on her waist.

And then she pulled away.

"This is wrong." She whispered.

"No," I said back. "How can this be wrong…" I thought about it. Hey! Paris Hilton lyrics. They must be sexy in some sort of way. "How can this be wrong when it feels so right?"

She turned. She sat on her bed.

"I'm sorry, Scott, I cant do this."

"Susannah, what you did last night…" I walked over to her bed and sat next to her. "It made me think that you loved me." I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away.

I turned her head to look at me. A tear fell down my cheek. "Do you love me, Susannah?"

She paused, looking into my eyes.

She had no expression. And then she slowly shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Scott."

I looked away.

I felt as if she had ripped my heart out of my chest and trampled over it. I swallowed. I was breathing for air awkwardly. I felt stupid.

"I have to go." I said quickly. I stood up and walked for the door.


	34. isnt that sad?

I sat in my bed, trying to stay emotionless.

It was obvious now, Scott loved me.

That's why he saved my life, and kissed me that way when we were drunk. That's why he shooed his brother away, that's why he threw away his offensive magazine.

I didn't think then, that he probably did all those things out of embarrassment, guilt, and for the fact he was 'as drunk as hell'.

My mother came running in after Scott had left.

"Suzie, who was that man?"

I shook my head, telling her that I didn't want to talk about it.

"Oh, honey, you wont believe what happened this morning."

She held my hand. "I have a baby."

My heart sank. "What?" I asked weakly.

"No, Oh no, Suzie, I'm not pregnant." She laughed, nervously. "There was a baby, at our doorstep this morning."

I looked at her with concern. "What?" I asked softly.

"Yes, there was a little baby girl, Andy has her in the waiting room."

I rubbed my eyes. "Was it just a baby girl there? Nothing else? That's weird."

"No," She said, playing with her fingers. "There was a letter. It was from her father, yes, yeah it was."

"What did it say?" I asked, uninterested.

"It said… Oh, I cant remember. Andy is keeping it in his pocket, I'll go get it."

She walked quickly out of the room and into the room where Andy was sitting. I couldn't see in there, but I imagined my mother dancing around, happy that I was 'excited' about her new baby.

Then she came rushing in with a letter on old fashioned paper.

"Do you want me to read it to you?" She asked, sitting on the bed next to me.

"Okay." I muttered, leaning back on the bed.

"It says this:

" 'This is my daughter. She was supposed to live to be a beautiful, successful woman, however something has happened to the rest of her family that has caused me to no longer wish to raise her.'" She looked up from the letter. "Isnt that sad?"

"Yeah." I said, not really listening.

"Theres more. 'I have seen you throughout the community, and you seem like the perfect people to take care of my daughter and raise her to what she is meant to be. Please help her. Sincerely, A friend."

"Is that all?"

"No, it has a PS."

"Read it."

"Here, how about you read it?"

I took the letter carefully and spread it out to read.

_PS. Her name is Elodie._


	35. from different prespectives

My hear was filled with agony. My eyes filled up with tears.

"No!" I choked.

My mom looked confused. "Honey, I thought it was a beautiful name."

"No" I said again, crying.

_Elodie's melody…_

"He thought…" I cried. "Oh God!" I sobbed.

Jesse had abandoned Elodie. To my parents.

"Youre going to have a baby sister." My mom whispered, holding my hand.

I tore it away. "No!!" I screamed. "I'm not! She's not my sister, she's my daughter!!"

She looked surprised.

"What?"

"And I'm not here because I fell down the stairs, I'm here because I was up all night drinking!"

Even more surprised.

"Wheres Matt?!?" I screamed. "Where is he!!"

The doctor came rushing in. "You should leave." He told my mother in a dark tone. "Now, Miss Simon."

My mom left, but I didn't notice. "Where's Scott?!? I want Scott!!"

------Scott------

Damn it.

I sat on the curb of the hospital, lighting up my cigarette.

I looked up at the sky.

"Why me, God?" I asked.

It hurt to think about my only other love, Serena. We loved eachother, but as soon as she knew that she was going to have a baby, she left me. I haven't seen her since the 99's.

I closed my eyes and let my cigarette burn its way to my mouth. I shook off the ashes.

"Sir?" I turned around, coughing a little.

"Yeah?" I asked quietly and hoarsely.

"Susannah Simon is asking for your company. She is in a horrible state, and she demands to be in contact with you."

I dropped my drug and stepped on it.

"Dude, just speak English, its just me and you here, not your big fancy boss."

"Susannah Simon wants to see you."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Suze wants you."

I stood up. "That's better." I grunted, walking towards the hospital.

-----Suze-----

Scott walked in my hospital room.

"Scott," I cried. "Scott, Jesse abandoned my baby." I cried.

"Woah, Susannah…" Scott whispered, walking over to me. "Start from the beginning."

"I had twins, with Jesse, a girl and a boy, and we fought…" I gasped, choking for air. "And then I left with Matt, and you came and saved us."

"Then he saw you in my apartment." He sighed heavily.

"You smell like a fucking cigarette." I said angrily. _Jesse would have never smoked._

He squinted his eyes and then looked at me.

"I know." He whispered. "Sorry."

And then he leaned in and tried to kiss me.

He got about, two seconds, before I pulled away and slapped him across the face.

"You can hypnotize me, Scott Astrid, and I don't like it one bit!!" I screamed loudly. "Leave!!"

He just sat there, looking at me.

"Leave!" I yelled again, louder.

"Susannah, I'm so…"

"Go!!" I screamed, pointing at the door.

Then Scott looked at the ground, slowly stood up and walked out the door.

---Jesse---

"New York?" The man repeated from behind the counter.

"Yes, New York." I repeated. "I need a ticket to New York."

"You just don't look like the Yorkie type, buddy."

I breathed deeply. "I may not be this, 'yorkie' type, however it would be greatly appreaciated if you gave me a ticket to New York."

"I would absolutely _love_ to give you a ticket to New York buddy, but all the seats are booked for today."

I slammed my fists on the table. I spoke in a very deep, scratchy tone. "Well then, could you give me a plane ticket to somewhere very, very, far from here?"

I had lived there, in that town all my life. I used to find beauty in the sunsets, in the water, the sand.

Now all that brought me pain.

"Like where?"

"Just…" I breathed again. "Somewhere far away." I repeated.

"Like, Canada?"

"Canada?" I asked again.

"Can-a-da. You know, the beavers, they say 'eh' a lot?"

"Ay?"

"No, eh."

I shook my head. "When is the next available ticket to New York?"

"Next week, buddy. Its vacation season."

I held my head.

"You know what? I'll just stop by some other time, when there is someone smarter then a grapefruit attending."

It was mean, but I was mad.

I had completely lost my sanity.

Susannah had left me for my friend Scott, my only son left with her, and I was left alone to raise my daughter, which I had also failed, seeking the part where I dropped her off at Susannah's parents house. And now, when I try to run away, I get an attendant with the IQ of a plastic spoon to serve me, which he never ended up doing.

I was missing something.

Something…

Something else was tearing my life apart.

But I couldn't remember.

I sat on the bench, thinking about all the things that had happened.

Me and Susannah making the afterlife a brighter place… no, it was after that. Susannah having my two children… no, before.

Why did Susannah have my children? I had never slept with Susannah. However Matthew and Elodie were clearly my offspring.

It was a spell.

Paul.

Paul was doing this.

It all came together.

Susannah and me fought because Paul cast a spell on us. We would never fight otherwise. He was changing who I was.

Paul was the one who made Scott and Susannah meet. He was the one who set everything up.

Paul made me want to give my only children up. He made me want that.

He made me think I wasn't good enough.

He drove me to the point when I was teetering over the edge of life.

He was driving me crazy.

Literally.

And… Paul was making Susannah and Scott love eachother.

I wasn't sure about the last part.

But I knew something for sure.

I had to go back.

I had to defeat Paul.

If it wasn't too late.


	36. conclusions, violence, decisions

The phone that Susannah had lent me rang. I lifted it from my pocket and flipped it open.

"Hello?" I said into the phone.

"Mr. De Silvia?"

"Yes…" I said quietly.

"Susannah Simon is in the hospital. You and her are aquainted…?"

"Yes, we are."

"Susannah was in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. She has gone completely delirious, calling your name, Mr. De Silvia."

"What?" I whispered.

"We had to chain her to her bed this afternoon. We are desperate to find a way to calm her down. Is it possible you could stop by the hospital today?"

My heart tanged. "Yes." I choked.

It hurt to even hear her name.

But she needed me.

And for the first time in my life, I realized I needed her.

----Suze----

My hands bled.

The metal that they used to chain my hands to the bed rubbed violently against my skin, again, as I bent off the bed and screamed in agony.

"Where's Matt?!?" I wailed. "Why wont anyone tell me where he is?!?" and then finally, "Jesse!!!"

I couldn't remember a lot, from that moment. I was delirious, after all.

The blood ran down my arms. I wondered if they were going to do anything about the large cuts around my wrists.

"Jesse!!!" I yelled again. I saw my mother crying in the waiting room.

Elodie wailed.

"Elodie!!" I cried. "Matt!!"

Why wasn't anyone listening to me?

"Please! Get Jesse, get Matthew, give me my goddamn daughter back!"

---Jesse---

I ran up the stairs quickly. As soon as I stepped on the third floor- Susannah's floor, I heard her crying.

"_Jesse! Matt! Elodie!"_

I ran. Through the hall. Past each door, until I reached the glass door where I could see my daughter sitting on Andy's lap.

Without thinking, I crashed through the door.

"Where is Susannah?" I asked, breathing hard from the way up. My lungs were about to burst.

"In there." A doctor answered. Elodie started crying. I walked over to Andy.

"Good afternoon, Andy." I said, trying hard to be a gentleman. "Could I hold Elodie, for a moment?"

It took him a moment to realize that I was the one who had dropped off the girl at his doorstep.

His eyes widened. "Of course." He whispered.

I scooped up Elodie quickly. She immediately stopped crying.

"Jesse!!" Susannah cried. I walked quickly and carefully into her hospital room.

Her face was red from crying. Her mascara was running down her cheeks. Her eyes were closed and she was gently shaking.

"Jesse!" She yelled again. Her eyes were so violently shut and full of tears that she didn't notice me standing there.

"Susannah," I whispered, running to her side. "Susannah, I'm here."

She stopped crying and opened her eyes. "Jesse…" She breathed. "I need to talk to you, I need to tell you so much, I will tell you_ everything,_ Jesse, _Everything._"

"No, Susannah, now is not the time." I whispered. "Shh." I kissed her hand. "Look at what you've done, Susannah. Just relax, I'm here now. Ellie's here now."

"Ellie?" She whimpered, looking at her daughter. Tears filled her eyes. "Why did you abandon her?" She said quietly.

"Susannah, it was a stupid thing to do, and I'm so, so sorry."

She cried. "And you thought…" She gasped and choked on her words. "You thought I cheated on you! Oh Jesse! I wouldn't do that to you!!"

I didn't believe her.

How could I?

I had simply walked over to a friends house, and I see her with nothing but his shirt on.

I don't know who to believe, my instinct, or…

My querida.

"Please believe me!" She cried. "You _have _to! We promised that we would never lie to eachother!"

"Susannah," I said, tears filling up my own eyes. "I would really, really like to believe you…" I stopped. I tried to resist the tears falling down my face. "But I… Susannah, you need to understand my feelings about this situation."

She gaped at me for a moment. "You don't believe me." She whispered. The words hung in the air.

And then they fell, and shattered to pieces on the ground.

"You know what?!?" She screamed angrily. "You leave!! Leave my baby with my mom! You go run away, Jesse De Silvia, you can believe all you want about me and Scott!! Just leave me, right now, and I'll forget that this… that _we_ ever happened!!"

And then I believed her.

But it was too late.

"Paul is doing this to you." I whispered.

"Leave!!!" She screamed. "Security!!"

A tall man in uniform stepped up behind me and pulled on my shoulder.

"No, Susannah, listen!! Listen to me!! Paul is doing this to you, he has you under a spell…please, Susannah, listen!" The guard tugged on my shoulder. "Susannah!!"

"Take him out of here!!" She screamed.

"Susannah," I tried again, but then another guard took away Ellie.

I turned around and punched him in the face.

---Scott---

"_You can hypnotize me, Scott Astrid, and I don't like it one bit!"_ I muttered. "Pft! Like that'll ever happen."

Suze was the one who wanted me. Then she was telling me to leave. When was this girl going to make up her mind?

I needed some smokes. That's what I needed.

I pulled the box from my pocket and emptied one on my hand. I took out my lighter and then looked at them both on my palm.

Susannah didn't appreaciate my addiction. That was obvious.

Even though I only knew her for a few days, I loved her.

I wasn't afraid to admit that to myself anymore.

I loved Susannah Simon.

I said in my head.

_I really, really love her._

And then I looked back at the tobacco in my hands.

"Damn it, this girl better appreaciate this…" I grumbled, snapping it inhalf.

I almost winced.

I threw it down the gutter.

I paused.

Sighed.

Pulled the box from my pocket, and dumped them all down the gutter.

"We'll see how long this lasts, for the fact my apartment is full of them." I said to myself.

I looked up at the ceiling.

I wished that I could see Susannah again.

I wish that she would talk to me like she did the night before.

What she call me?

Fireboy.

I wanted her to call me _fireboy _ again.


	37. fear

**Hey everyone… just answering a few review questions. 1****st****, I come up with these ideas mostly from my environment… you know, TV, books, dreams, my peer's behavior. Everything around me, sort of mixed together, you know? And… nope, that was it. **

**BTW, this is back to Suze's POV.**

**Enjoys.**

I held Matt in my arms.

They had to treat my wounds, and then I managed to slip away and find Matthew. I snuck him out of the glass crib that they were holding him in and took him back to my bed.

"Sugar, bunnies, rainbows too, these are the things that make up you." I whispered, rocking him back and forth.

I noticed that he had a scratch on his foot.

"Did they do this to you?" I whispered.

_They sure did!!_

Someone yelled. I looked around.

"Who's there??" I yelled. No one answered. It was after dark.

_I'm here._

They yelled loud. It rang in my ears.

_They hurt your son. Can you believe that?_

"Who are you?" I whispered.

_My name is Julius. _

"Julius?"

_Didn't you hear the first time?_

"Okay, go away, Julius!"

_No._

"What do you want?"

_I only want to help you._

"I cant help you move on, I'm sick. If you're a ghost, you'll have to wait."

_Im not a ghost. Im your instinct. You know, the little angel on your shoulder?_

I squinted my eyes. "Sure."

_Listen up, Susannah. I need to tell you something important._

---Scott---

"Susannah Simon…" I grumbled.

Ripping box by box off the shelves.

_One, two, three…_

And now the hardest part.

Snapping them all in half.

"Oh!" I winced, breaking each one.

My money, wasted.

And then, I couldn't resist the urge any longer. I pulled one out of the box, and lit it up.

"Oh, God, that feels good." I whispered, smoking.

I finished and then broke all the others.

I may be addicted, but I cant have more then one every few hours. Breaking the rest was easy.

"Done!" I yelled, satisfied.

I emptied the jar that I used to put my spare change in… it was labled 'CIGARETTE MONEY'.

"How about…" I thought, thinking about a new name for the jar. "spare change." I laughed and then wrote the name on the jar.

"Transformation, complete." I breathed, observing my house.

"Serena, you would have loved to see me now." I whispered, glassy eyed. "Giving up my addiction, just like you said."

I blinked away the tears and then ran to catch a bus to my shift at the station.

---Jesse---

"We are guessing that Matthew De Silvia is your son?" The man asked through the phone.

"Yes." I said back. "Has something happened, Doctor?"

"I'm afraid so, Mr. De Silvia."

My heart skipped a beat. "I'll be there."

I ran, literally, all the way to the hospital.

Running up the stairs, running to her room.

"Jesse!" the doctor called. "I need to talk to you, in a private room. For a moment, please?"

I nodded. He lead me into a room.

"Jesse, what I say may come as a shock to you. You might want to… sit down, Mr. De Silvia."

I looked concerned. "What happened?" I said, carefully sitting down.

"Jesse…" He sighed. "I hate this job." He muttered under his breath.

"What?" I demanded.

"Your son… was pronounced dead an hour ago."


	38. reactions

**Back to Scott.**

_How to make Susannah love me._

I scribbled it at the top of the list.

I was going to make a list. Just small things… and big things… to do. And by the time it was finished, she would be sure to fall in love with me. She _had_ to.

I looked at the first thing on the list.

_Quit smoking, for good!_

I sighed. "Stupid, stupid, stupid." I mumbled, walking over to the shelf, grabbing each box.

One, two, three, four, five… six boxes of cigarettes on my shelf and table. I dumped them all in the garbage.

I winced, pouring the last box in. I tired the bag and threw it in the hall.

"Whats the next thing on that list?" I grumbled to myself, walking over to the table where it lay.

_Learn how to cook a pot roast._

I closed my eyes. "I cant cook. Not anything but eggs and toast." I breathed through my nose. "Better get working."

- Jesse - -

"That cant be true." I breathed, choking on every word.

"I'll leave you, Mr. De Silvia. Your… girlfriend Is still in her hospital bed if you are in need to aquaint her."

I closed my eyes and wept.

How could this have happened?

--Suze—

_Im proud of you, Susannah._

"I hate you, Julius!! Go Away!!" I yelled through broken hearted tears.

_You did the right thing. You __know__ it was the right thing to do. I mean, come on, how is a teenager like you and some guy from the 1850's going to raise a child properly? It cant be done. It would probably end up in Welfare, and you know it._

"Shut up!!" I squealed.

_You know._

"I said shut up!"

_Just listen. He's gone now. In heaven. He wouldn't be happy here. I know. I came back from the future to warn you._

I gaped. "D-did you?!?"

_No!_ He laughed. _I really got you there, didn't I?_

I screamed. Loud. "No!!"

The sound of Matt's confused yelp rang in my ears. Why did I have to listen to Julius? Why did I have to kill my only son?

Scott –

"How hard can it be?" I asked myself, slipping the roast on the pan. "This'll be delicious."

I pushed t in the oven and pressed all the right buttons.

"There."

I sat back at the table and focused on the list.

_Take down posters of Jessica Simpson._

I was glad that Susannah was too hungover to notice the Daisy Duke poster over my bed.

Very glad.

It was hard taking down the poster. At first I tried to not rip the corners, but I realized that I was throwing it out anyways, so I just ripped it.

A huge piece of it still hung on the wall. I had ripped it in half.

"Ah!" I yelped, looking up at the rest of Jessica's body on my wall. I painfully tore it down, crumbling it up quickly and chucking it in the garbage.

"Whats the next thing on that list?!?" I yelled, running to the table.

--Jesse—

I coughed.

"Paul, I know your doing this.." I whispered. "But why, Why him?"

I held my head. It ached to think about me, holding him after birth, rocking him back and forth…

He was like the only piece of me out there.

Gone.

"Oh, Matthew." I whispered. "Why did this have to happen to you?"

Susannah's mother came into my room and sat on the seat next to me.

"Jesse?" She asked in a quiet voice.

I didn't look up.

"I know you're upset…" She whispered, reaching her hand out. She pulled it back slowly. "Do you want to hold Elodie?"

I looked up. My face was red with anger, with frustration, with sadness. I nodded slowly.

She carefully handed me my daughter.

I cried still, rocking her in my arms.

She yawned and smiled. Like she was mocking me.

_No,_ I corrected my self. _She is trying to cheer you up. Look at you, you're a mess._

"Oh, Elodie." I whispered. I kissed her forehead. I breathed in the hospital air slowly.

I closed my eyes. I could die right there, in that moment.

"God, do you hate us?" I whispered. "Have we done so much wrong that you must punish us in this way?" a lonely tear skipped down my cheek. "I don't understand."

Elodie fell asleep in my arms, to my voice.

Susannah's mother lifted Ellie off my lap. I shut my eyes tightly.

I gasped for air, breathing awkwardly. I couldn't handle this.

Susannah –

Never got to say his first word.

Never got to take his first steps.

Never got to…

There were too many. All of these lists scrawled themselves into my head.

"Matthew…" I sobbed.

My mother walked in the hospital room and held my hand.

"They aren't going to let me see Elodie, are they?" I asked crying.

My mother looked at the ground. "Suzie, they want to do somethings… to check your mental state. They think something is wrong."

I shook my head. "This isn't me!" I yelled. "This is Julius!"

"Julius?" My mother asked, now crying herself.

"Yes, yes, it's Julius! This is his fault! He told me what to do!!"

"Your saying a boy… Julius… told you to _smother_ Matthew?"

I sobbed, nodding.

"Susannah…" She just looked in my eyes. "Let them do the tests. Something _is_ wrong."

I blinked. "Where is Jesse? He is going to hate me." So many things to cry about.

"They told him this afternoon." My mom assured, holding my hand and squeezing it.

"Did you see him?" I bawled. "Did you see how he felt?"

She nodded.

"He hates me!" I yelled.

She shook her head no. "He is just… upset. I don't think that they told him the cause of death yet honey."

I shook my head furiously. "He can never know!" I screamed. "Don't let them tell him!"

My mother just stared at the ground again. "I cant do anything, sweet heart. They already sent someone to tell him."


	39. forever

**Thankyou for all of the lovely reviews. Sorry for not updating… lately... or not as fast as I usually do… but hey, guess what? It snowed. So don't give me a hard time. I was just throwing the snow in the air, drinking eggnog, having a bloody good time. Sue me. Ha, that was funny. Allright, here ya's go.**

**Oh, back to Suze.**

"Lean back, darling."

Why do these doctors keep calling me darling?

Well, they called me other stuff too, like… honey, sugar…

Oh, they were being friendly, weren't they?

Well I was definitely not in the 'friendly mood'. Honestly.

At least Julius had gone away. Not like he hasn't ruined everything already. The doctors are convinced that I am hearing voices, there fore, mentally insane. And now they are scanning, poking, stabbing, and scraping me to find out for sure.

"Ow!" I yelled, pulling my arm back from the needle.

"You need to stay still, honey."

"Don't call me that." I grumbled.

"Fine." The man grabbed my arm and quickly jabbed the needle in my arm, as if he meant it to hurt.

I winced and shut my eyes tight.

Punch me in the face, I wont even flinch. Break my arm, I'll fight you back.

But don't.

Ever.

Stick a needle in my arm.

I was too weak to say anything back though. And I was pretty sure that it would turn out to be a bunch of gibberish.

My heart heaved like it was a brick, however I didn't ever want to think about my life.

Ever again.

Scott –

_Read_

What kind of lousy book would make Susannah love me? She seemed kind of… down to earth. Not like, shakespear…

So, what to read?

I walked over to a couple of shelves next to the TV. There weren't many books there.

I pulled out Stephen **(or Steven? I don't know.)** King and some other thick, impressive-looking books, and then sat on the couch.

"What do we have here?" I asked, leafing through the books.

"Too small print." I said simply, throwing the book carelessly on the floor. "Too thick, too thin, too… confusing."

By the time I was done looking through all of the books, they all sat on the floor, piled messily on top of one another.

"Uh…" I said, glancing at the books. "I'll just skip this one."

-Jesse-

"Mr. De Silvia?" I nodded, my face still red from crying. "I need to speak to you about the cause of death."

"Is it really important?" I asked with a raspy, weak voice. The last thing I wanted to hear was something about my son's death.

But the doctor nodded, and with full respect, I stood up and walked over to the man in the white coat.

"No mean to be rude sir, but I would rather leave the details out of the situation right now."

He shook his head slowly. "I think that the details _are _important, Mr. De Silvia. It was something concerning to Miss. Simon's health."

I scrunched up my face. "Pardon?"

"I am afraid to say… Jesse, is it?" I nodded. "Susannah smothered your child."

Suze –

"So, do you think she's lost it?" I heard a doctor from the room next to mine ask.

"Oh yeah. There is no other explanation."

"Really? I thought she had a little sense left in her."

"No way. That girl is gone."

I couldn't take it anymore. I wriggled around in the bed that they fastened me to. That would mess up the results.

Suddenly, the same voice that I had heard spoke on the intercom.

"We need you to sit still, Susannah."

"You don't need to use the intercom!" I yelled. "I can hear you and your buddy chatting away perfectly fine… without the microphones!" I wriggled around on the hospital bed.

I could tell they were slightly shocked, and embarrassed. However, they continued to ignore me.

"I couldn't hear that, Susannah. I need you to keep still."

Yeah, right. They could hear me perfectly fine. If I yelled that my wrists were bleeding purple, they would run right in.

My wrists.

I could rub them against the handcuffs and cut my wrists. Then they would have to stop the tests, wouldn't they?

For now, definitely.

I moved my wrists violently back and fourth against the sharp part of the cuff. It stung, but they would have to unchain me, if for only a few seconds to put more bandages on.

And then what?

I would have to run.

I stopped trying to cut my wrists and then thought up a plan.

I would wait until they were done the test. Then, once they let me go into the gym (did I mention they let me do that?), I would call… Jesse, and me, him, and Elodie would run away together. And we would live happily ever after.

Forever.

I smiled, thinking about my plan, and I stopped moving. This was going to be perfect.

It wasn't.

It wasn't!

I thought I had everything planned out perfectly, and nothing wrong would happen. Oh, how wrong I was.

When they were done that test, they let me sit in my bed and eat my lunch. Thank God, I was getting hungry. They also mentioned that they had told Jesse. The cause of death, I mean. The thought filled my eyes with tears, but I tried to think about my new life, with Jesse and Ellie. That cheered me up a little.

Until Jesse came in the room. He walked in slowly and quietly, and then sat down.

"Susannah, we need to talk." He whispered. I put down my fork from my pancakes and sat up.

"I need to talk to you about something too." I said in a hushed voice. "Let me go first, I have a perfect plan…"

"No," Jesse inturupted, his eyes closed. "Let me go first." He sighed a deep sigh.

I leaned back on my bed, eating another forkful of pancakes. "What is it, Jesse?"

He spoke in a quiet, scratchy voice. "Susannah, you didn't tell me that you _killed _Matthew."

Tears sprung to my eyes. Oh, God. He said it so wrong, so evil, so…

True.

"Susannah…" Another one of those sighs.

I just sat there, totally unprepared for what he was going to say next.

"You are beautiful, and you are nice, and you are… the best thing that has ever happened to me, but…"

Oh no. A but.

"But, Susannah… I don't think we should see eachother anymore."

I choked on my pancakes. "What?" I asked, not believing what I had just heard.

"I'm sorry… but I cant… I couldn't bear to be reminded of my sons death every moment of my life."

So that's what I was.

I was a reminder of his sons death.

I started crying. "But Jesse, I thought… I mean, you said… you said that you loved me."

He shook his head. "It's in the past, Susannah. My best suggestion to you is that you forget me and Elodie… completely, Susannah. It would be for the best."

He stood up, but I grabbed his shirt.

He looked down. His eyes were full of heartbreak. This was hurting him.

"Don't… leave me." I cried. "And don't take my daughter."

He just shook his head quickly and walked out even quicker.


	40. turning you down

**Longer then usual chap. Here's to Suze. (raises glass of eggnog) Just something short… Julius, is just a voice, that Suze hears in her head. This may be a confusing story…. Sorryyy…enjoys. Oh, back to Scott.**

"Now what?" I was beginning to hate this list. The things it told me to do were not only difficult, but they also kept reminding me on how big of a loser I really was.

_Clean up._

Oh, that would be effective. My apartment being clean had about the same likelyness of hell freeing over.

I scribbled it out. "Forget it." I grumbled.

Stubborn me.

_Learn how to cook._

Becoming angry with this list, I crumpled it up and threw it in the corner. I wouldn't have the courage to ask Susannah out anyways.

"Oh boy." I whispered, realizing what an idiot I was to ever think that she would love me, polite man or not.

"I should just be myself." I decided. "Move on, even." And then my phone rang.

It was Suze.

-Suze-

I sat there, moping.

"You're gone." I wailed. "Forever, maybe." I cried and cried.

I pulled away when they tried to take the tests. I almost hit a doctor. Finally, they decided that they would just have to leave me until I calmed down.

I would have to think of another plan to escape. But who?

Who loved me enough to know what I really wanted? Who was crazy enough to risk getting arrested?

Scott.

That was the first name to come into my head.

With Scott, I could forget _everything._ I could even erase Jesse from my head.

Maybe even the voice… the one thing that got me here, too. Maybe Scott could get rid of Julius.

I pulled out my cell phone at around… 11 at night.

He answered. Thank God.

-Scott-

"Hello?"

"Scott!" She was whispering.

"Hey, Suze." I sat on the couch, trying to be casual. "Hey, do you…"

"Hold on Scott, I need to talk to you." She whispered.

"Okay, anything."

She paused. Maybe that was a little too weird.

"Scott, I'm in the hospital. They think I'm crazy Scott, but… I'm not, I'm not… I need you to come here right now and pick me up. I need to get out of here."

Immediately, I responded. I didn't even hear a lot of the details. "Yeah. I'll be there. Tommorow?"

"No!" She hissed. "I need you to come _right now._"

I was confused, but I listened. "Where are you?"

"McMasters. I should be able to get to the entrance of the ER. Could you pick me up there?"

I nodded. "Yeah, sure. Where to, after, I mean?"

"Your house. Oh, God, I mean, could I go to your house?"

"Of course, Susannah."

"Thankyou _so_ much." She whispered. "You don't know how much I love you right now."

_Not enough._ I thought.

"I'll be there. Look for the charger."

"I thought you had a BMW." She said, probably from the time I picked her and her son up.

"That's for my regular driving. Tonight it's a getaway car."

I could feel her smile.

"Thankyou." She whispered, and then she hung up.

-Suze-

He was there almost seconds after I snuck to the ER. The bright orange charger revved up beside me. I opened the door quickly and sat in the passengers seat. I breathed hard.

This was actually happening.

"Lets go." I said quickly, and then Scott slammed on the gas, and we were off.

-Scott-

She just sat there. On my couch.

I had Suze here.

Sitting on my couch.

_Calm down._ I thought. _This is the moment you've been waiting for._

"You want anything… some toast or something?" She just looked into space.

"Suze?" She looked up.

"Oh, sorry."

"You want anything?" I asked again. She looked up.

"Scott… could I actually have a beer, or something?"

I perked up. _Beer._

"Yeah." I pulled one out for her and set it on the table, opening it. I got one for myself. I was going to be casual, this time. For sure.

"Scott?" She asked, lifting the bottle.

"Yeah?"

"What I am about to do is probably going to change everything about me and you… but Scott, don't try and stop any of this… just… have fun, tonight, allright?"

My eyes widened. "_What?_"

She shook her head, as if to say, never mind, and then chugged the beer.

"You might want to… slow down on that." I mumbled, lifting my own bottle slowly.

"Mmm." She said briefly, and shortly after, slamming the bottle on the table. "No way, Scott. Hand me another one."

I stood up awkwardly, still holding my bottle, opened the fridge, and got out another bottle. As I handed it to her, she opened it by popping it off the coffee table.

Not that I minded. That's how I open my bottles, most of the time. When Susannah isn't with me. There's actually still marks from where I pop most of the lids off. That's probably what made it seem okay for Suze.

She chugged that one down quicker then the first, me still only on a little sip.

"Scott, could you get me another one?" She mumbled. Maybe she didn't mumble, her speech was just a bit slurred.

I shook my head slowly. "No, Susannah, that's enough."

She scrunched her face up. "What's with you?" She asked. "Why aren't you getting drunk with me? You're like… a whole different guy. From _last time,_ I mean."

Last time.

Oh, how I loved last time.

Just kissing her, lifting her shirt, feeling her…

No.

What was it? What was holding me back from returning to that night? I _was_ like a whole different person. But _why?_ Whatever was holding me back, I hated, with all my soul.

"I'll get it myself." She snapped, standing up. I tried to stop her, but I was paralyzed, just sitting on the couch, holding my beer on my leg.

She came back, hitting the bottle on the table.

She downed that one a little slower, probably because she was too wasted to realize what she was doing.

She didn't even finish, if I can recall, she left the last few drips on the carpet, when she dropped it.

She leaned back and closed her eyes. I thought she was unconscious again, so I put my beer on the table and tapped it against her cheek.

Her eyes opened, and she looked at me.

"Scott." She whispered. She took my hand from her face and lowered it to the bottom of her shirt. "I need to forget about Jesse."

I went with it.

She leaned in, kissed, quite passionately, may I note. Everything was going fine until she reached for the zipper on my pants. I ripped away from her.

"Stop." I said, breathlessly. Why was I doing this?

She looked confused. "_What?_"

It came to me now. I remembered why she was here. _I need to forget about Jesse._ She came here with her other man in mind. That was all she was using me for. I was the 'spare guy' in case all didn't go well with Jesse.

"You can come back when your sober." I said, which was kind of harsh, I realized now… to a girl, at least.

She looked hurt, and then she burst into tears.

"This is wrong." She sobbed. "So, so, wrong! I am so sorry, Scott. I really am…"

I thought, for a moment, that she wasn't sorry and she didn't have a bloody clue what she was talking about.

"I can imagine how you must feel Scott," She said through wet tears. "The 'second guy'… I shouldn't have brought you into this."

I shook my head. "Susannah, I love you, more then you'll ever know." She looked at me in the eye. Like she couldn't believe it. "But you don't love me back." I said hoarsly. "And this… me and you… is wrong."

She sat there, looking at the ground. "Sorry." She whispered. "I truly am sorry."

"Please don't be." I said, politely, picking up the bottles on the ground. "Perhaps, maybe another time, we can have a more civilized dinner, together." I looked up, in hopes that she would nod and agree.

But she just looked at me with glazed eyes. "I don't think so, Scott."

And those five words tore me apart.


	41. dont leave

**Back to SUze. **

I had to tell him everything.

It was true, Jesse was my one and only love, but Scott… he was my _friend,_ now, and I needed to let him know what was going on, so he wasn't… clueless, or anything.

After I finished… not the mediator thing, of course, but my current situation, he just looked at me in the eye.

"And you love Jesse." He whispered quietly.

I had to look away from his eyes. There was a look of such pain, such torture, just… heartbreak. Even worse then Jesse's look when he walked out of my hospital room. It looked as though I had truly broken his heart.

But why? Scott didn't love me. I was just someone to keep him happy. If we were ever together, he would be out fighting fires and I would be sweeping up his cigarette butts.

"Yes." I said finally. "I have, ever since I met him."

He looked at the ground. "Could we be friends?" He asked.

I almost laughed. "Of course, Scott! You are one of the best friends anyone could ask for!"

"Really?"

_Don't push it._ I thought. But then I remembered he needed the mood lifter.

"Yes! You rescued me from the hospital, you took care of me when I was sick, you're so tolerant with me…. And you rescued my son when we were out in the cold." I finished, now probably at the same level of depression as Scott was a moment ago.

I looked him in the eye, tears running down my cheeks. I couldn't control them. My life was falling apart.

"Scott, I am so sorry for any pain that I might have brought you. I am so ashamed of myself for doing something like that to a guy like you. You deserve much better then me, Scott…you need a girl to hold you, and kiss you whenever you want, and love you even when she isn't drunk. Oh, Scott… I don't deserve you."

He stared at me, looking like he might cry himself. And then he held my chin and used his thumb to stroke my hair.

"I think you do." He whispered, and then leaned close to me and kissed me.

"Mmmph!!!" I said quickly pulling away. I held my hand over my mouth, standing up. "I'm sorry, Scott, I cant do this." I stood up.

Scott followed, close behind. "Susannah, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

"Don't be sorry, Scott, just… Just let me leave, please."

Scott held my arm and looked at me with… those _eyes._ Those heart breaking eyes.

"Don't leave." He said deeply. "Please don't leave."

I ripped away from his grasp and ran out the apartment door.

**Short chap to give ya's a break from the long ones. ;)**


	42. running away, running home

**Hmmm… no reviews. Chop chop.**

**Back to….hm… who will start us off today? How about… Jesse.**

I held Elodie closer to me as another man sat beside me. He was a rather large man, and he smelt like… cheese.

The bus was a smelly place. It wasn't my first runaway choice, but it was certainly the cheapest. And I needed to keep the money from selling my apartment for food and essentials.

Suddenly uncomphortable, I stood up and held on to the railing with my free hand. I slung Elodie's head over my shoulder and supported her back with the other hand.

"Cant this stupid bus go any faster?" The man asked. "I got a fucking due date."

I almost plugged Elodie's ears, but then noticed she was sleeping, so I let her be.

"This fucking bus wont fucking move…" He continued.

"Excuse me sir?" I said politely. "Please keep your opinions to yourself."

He snapped up. "Excuse me?"

I looked around. Nobody was really paying attention. Except a pregnant lady… she was holding a protective hand over her stomach and looked at me with deep concern.

"I just asked you to keep your…"

He stood up and stepped closer. "I heard what you said, pretty boy."

"Please take it into thought." I said quietly. He grabbed the collar of my shirt.

"I wont."

"Please sir, I don't want to fight, I have a child, have sympathy. Please."

He steamed down. "I wont forget this. Me and you will settle this, _without_ that fat sack of shit with you."

I couldn't handle that.

"Leave the girl out of this." I said angrily, under my breath.

"That slab of fat on your shoulder is a baby?"

I couldn't take it. I handed Elodie to the pregnant woman and took a swing. I hit him in the nose.

"I told you to keep it to yourself!" I was yelling, now.

He held his nose, and then took a punch himself. I ducked quickly.

He punched again, so I leaned side ways. He wasn't going to hit me any time soon. Not with my expirence.

"Stay-fucking-still!!" I punched him again.

"Keep it to yourself!!!" I yelled louder. Now everyone was watching. He backed down, sat in his chair. I scooped Elodie back up and sat on a chair on the other side to the pregnant lady. I was silent.

I didn't want to hurt him. But he kept… making me so angry. And everything, stacked up on top of one another, just…

_I took it out on him._I decided. _All my anger went into those punches._

"That was amazing." The lady whispered in my ear.

I didn't say anything back. I was ashamed.

"Honestly. You were awesome." She moved her hand on my leg. I watched it move up and down slowly. I held my breath. "Where are you heading?"

"New York." I said, breathing out finally.

She smiled. "Me too." She whispered. "Do you have a place to stay?"

I shook my head no, watching her hand move up and down.

"Oh. Well maybe if you need a place to sleep, you call me." She took out a pen and wrote her number on the top of my hand. "You call me." She repeated, and then stroked my leg one last time before returning it to her side.

"Thankyou." I said hoarsely.

"You got a girlfriend?" She asked.

I choked. "Its complicated."

"Oh." She said smiling. "You angry?"

I nodded my head. "I suppose so."

"You can just let it out, honey. Let it out."

I didn't know what she meant.

"My boy left me when he found out I was pregnant." She laughed slightly. "He was a jerk."

"Mm." I said, trying to sound understandingly.

"My names Keisha. Keisha Rae."

"I'm Jesse." I said in return. "Just Jesse."

She smiled. "I like that name." She whispered.

Elodie sighed shortly. I rubbed her back gently.

"Jesse, you don't have anywhere to stay, do you?"

I shook my head.

"You stay with me. Me and Jonathan." She rubbed her stomach. I guess that Jon is her baby.

"Thankyou, Keisha, but I couldn't put a burden like us on your shoulders."

"No, no, not at all. You wont be a burden at all." She leaned close and whispered into my ear. Her lips rubbed against my skin. "Trust me." She whispered, and then pulled away.

**--Scott—**

"Scott?" A too familiar voice came from the doorway. "It's me, Serena."

I stood from the couch immediately. "Serena?!?" I asked, running over to the door.

She stood there, holding…

My baby.

_My _baby.

My _baby._

"Oh my God."

"Scott," she said, crying. "Oh, Scott, I am so, so, sorry."

"Oh my God!" I said again. "You're… you're really here, Seerie, you are… standing in my door."

She nodded. "Scott, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I messed up, so badly, running from you. I was stupid, Scott. But I know that I need you, now, I _need_ you. Please, Scott, _please_ still love me."

I held her hips and kissed her.

And do you know what?

It felt good to have someone finally kiss back.


	43. confronting with the truth

Sorry about the delay, my fellow reviewers. But there was a birthday party. Ha, what a lame excuse. Anyways. Check my other stories out, too. :)

**Back to…. Scott? Yeah, allright, Scott.**

I held the tips of her fingers as I stroked my finger down the middle of her hands.

"You're beautiful, Serena. You truly are." Her blonde hair stuck to her face. The heat of the room was almost unbearable.

"Don't say that." She whispered, blushing, looking at my fingers.

"You are. And my son is the most adorable baby in the universe."

She smiled. "I know that."

I shook my head and smiled. "You better." I whispered. My own hair dropped in front of my eyes.

"Why aren't you smoking right now, Scott?" She asked, twirling her hair with her fingers. "You would have _really_ made this room hot if you did _that._"

I leaned back. The sweat on my back pressed against my shirt. "I quit, Seerie."

She stayed silent. "No, really Scott."

I shook my head and grinned. "I'm serious."

She laughed. "Scott… Oh, Scott, you used to be one of the biggest smokers I knew. You have to get your teeth painted every year, and your whole apartment smelt like smoke all the time…"

"That was from the fire fighting." I debated, embarrassed of my behavior.

"No it wasn't!" She squealed, sitting up. "No, Scott, it wasn't!" She was laughing. "And the chief was always on your case, talking about how 75 of house fires are created by smoking!! Don't you remember that? You should still be smoking, Scott, its who you are, and don't deny it!" She playfully threw a pillow at me.

I wasn't in the mood.

"I quit smoking, Serena, because you left me. And Susannah left me…too." I said slowly and carefully. I tried to make it look like I had tact. I didn't.

"I didn't leave you." She said, looking at me with wide eyes.

I turned my head away from her to hide the tears that would soon be spurting down my cheeks. "You did." I said with a shaky voice. "You _did,_ Serena."

"Oh." She whispered. "Oh, oh…" She reached for my hand, but I jerked it away. "Oh, Scott. I didn't mean to… You must have been… Oh."

I stared at the wall. "This isn't the kind of thing that I can forget, Serena." My voice trembled and squeaked.

"Lets just go to bed." She finished.

She tucked her self under the covers, and I slid under them, next to her. But I didn't go to sleep. As soon as I made sure Serena was asleep, and Luke was out, I walked out of my apartment and down the street.

It was time to get a smoke.

**-Jesse-**

"Jesse…" Keisha laughed. "Jesse, I cant believe that you actually put up with those kids!" She squealed. "The RLS angels, ha! Oh, Jesse!" She was laughing so hard, tears sprung from the edges of her eyes.

I didn't tell her that they were ghosts. Or even their encounter with Micheal. I twisted their story so much into a lie that it was… it was…

Funny.

I never thought that I would laugh at that night. The night with Father Dominic, and Susannah…

My heart cringed. I squinted my eyes, trying not to think of her.

"So Jesse, why are you down here anyways?" Keisha asked, leaning back on her couch. I made myself comfortable on the other couch, across from her.

"I don't want to talk about it." I whispered. She nodded.

"I understand, honey."

_Honey._ I shivered. Keisha's feelings for me seemed to be a little… strong.

"Do you want to come and sit with me?" She asked. Elodie was sleeping in her sons crib. I didn't really want to go and sit with her, however I was trying to be polite, afterall, she was letting me stay at her house.

"Yes." I whispered, walking over to her side.

"Oh!" She exclaimed. "It's Jon. He's kicking."

She smiled as she held her stomach.

"Feel."

I coughed. "Excuse me?"

"The baby!" She laughed.

"Oh." I cleared my throat. "Yes, sorry."

I put my hand on her stomach awkwardly. I tapped it lightly and then returned it to my side.

"He is going to be a beautiful baby." I whispered.

She smiled. "Thank you." She whispered back.

We sat there in silence. "I've been so lonely for so long." She whispered. I noticed that she was crying. "When Jon is born, I wont be so lonely I guess." She sobbed lightly. "Oh, how am I ever going to take care of this boy?" She asked. She cried harder, closing her eyes.

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to say something, or stay silent.

"You are going to be a wonderful mother." I whispered. "I know one when I see one." _Like Susannah._

It just popped in my head. Those two words. _Like Susannah._ My stomach sank.

"Was your girlfriend a good mother?" She asked sobbing. "She must have been beautiful." She added, whispereing.

"Yes." I said, almost crying myself. "She was a good mother. And she was beautiful. But she isn't mine any more. I left her."

She sat up. "What?"

"I left her." I whispered again.

"No!" She yelled, sitting up even straighter. "You _left _her? I thought that… I thought that she left _you!_"

"Whats wrong with that?" I asked in my defense. "I had reason!"

"Oh yeah?" She challenged. "Here's what I have to say to that, _Jesse."_ She said it mockingly. She was angry now. "There is _no_ reason to leave someone that you love! If you truly loved her, you would be with her, by her side, no matter what happened, who came in, who came out, no matter _what!_ Because that is what people do when they truly love eachother! They stick with eachother to the end."

Silence.

She was right.

She was… _very, very_ right.

And I was wrong.

"Thank you." I whispered. "Thank you so, so, much."


	44. meeting, playing, singing for you

**Still Jesse.**

"Fourty dollars?" I asked the man in the music store.

"Yep. 'Fraid so."

"But I need… I need a train ride home."

"Sorry. No pay, no way." I glanced behind him. There was a wall of celeberties who must have recorded in the studio. Alicia Keys, Gwen Stefani…

"Did they pay fourty dollars?" I asked, glancing over at the wall.

"I don't know who you are, but those people are famous. This is how they got famous. They made us rich. And now more people come in here to make us even more rich by recording their own albums."

"So did they?"

He paused. "No, but that's not the point. They showed us a sample of a song they wrote, and then we realized we could make big money if we sponsored them."

"I don't want to make you _big money,_ sir. I just want an album." My voice slightly shook.

"Then pay up."

I paused. I had a couple hundred dollars left.

"I changed my mind." I said steadily. "Could I maybe get…Could I get a piano?"

"A _piano?_"

I cleared my throat. "Yes. What piano could I get for 200 dollars… or less?"

He laughed. I backed away slightly, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered. I cleared my throat and spoke louder. "Are pianos… more then 200 dollars?"

He laughed and then stopped himself. "A _lot _more."

I felt a wave of disappointment wash over me.

"How about 300?"

He smiled and shook his head.

"400?"

He looked at the celing. "I have some old piano in the back… its one of the old ones, you know, the ones from a _long_ time ago."

"Perfect." I said quickly. After all, the old pianos was what I was used to playing.

"Allright. Come to the back with me."

**Suze**

I stood on the outside of my house. What time was it… 3? 4? Something early in the morning.

"Is anyone awake?" I whispered, even though I knew no one could hear me.

The grass was wet. I waved my hands through the blades. "Mom? Andy? David, Jake, Brad?"

Nothing.

The crickets responded. They sang a song about the night. I looked up at the sky.

"Is this what it has come to?" I wondered out loud. "Is this the end?"

I held my head. "Theres nothing wrong with me." I muttered. "Nothing, nothing at all."

But one opinion from myself wasn't going to stop the opinions of an entire team of doctors…who were probably searching the city for me.

Searching for me.

They were searching for me, weren't they?

I rocked my head in my hands. I took my hands off my head and slipped them in my pocket. They gripped a five dollar bill.

"Oh…" I whispered, pulling out the money. It wasn't much, but it was enough to get a decent meal in my stomach. Of course, who buys those anymore?

To the convience store.

Just to stock up.

**Jesse**

"_Some say now suffer all the children  
And walk away a savior  
Or a madman and polluted  
From gutter instutions  
Don't you breathe for me  
Undeserving of your sympathy  
'Cause there ain't no way that I'm sorry  
For what I did."_

"Are you sure there isn't any other sheet music?" I asked the man who was looking from behind me.

"Well, I would say that you played that piece beautifully." He said, kind of breathless. He might have been… shocked.

"I know…" I said. "But I need to play for a… a woman."

"Oh."

"And… well… the lyrics… I _am _sorry. Could you get me… a… better song, you know… to fit the situation?"

He shook his head. "Unless you have more money, I cant give you any more music then whats included with the piano."

I paused.

"Then I'll just have to write my own music."

**Suze**

I carried the bag of chips the the counter. There was only one other person in line. He had brown hair, and a black t-shirt. He reminded me of someone, but… I couldn't really…

"Suze!" I looked in his eyes.

His brown… brown orange… eyes.

"Hi Scott." I said breathlessly. "I didn't expect you to be here."

"Just shopping." He said, smiling.

"For what?"

He looked over at the wall. "Nothing." He said hoarsely and quickly.

"Seriously, Scott."

"Your cigarettes are here, sir." The man behind the counter said.

"Cigarettes?" I repeated.

"No…" He said quickly shaking his head. "Its not what it looks like."

"Oh, okay." I smiled. "I need to buy these." I held up my chips.

"Oh, alright." He moved out of the way.

I finished the transaction and turned to him. "Scott, I'm sorry about the way I treated you in your apartment." I whispered. "I was going under a lot of stress."

He nodded. "I understand."

"Scott, I think we just need more time…" I opened the door to outside. "To get to know eachother."

He nodded again. "Yeah, I agree."

"So your place then?" I asked, smiling. "I'll bring the chips."

"No, Suze." I stopped.

"What?"

"You cant come to my place."

"Why not?" I asked, ready to cry. "Do you not like me anymore? I thought we could be friends."

"Of course we're still friends." He stuck his cigarettes in his pocket. "You just cant come by my place."

"Why? We can just talk, if you like."

"No."

"Why?" I was getting angry now.

"Because…"

"Why??" I asked louder.

"Because Serena came back!!" He yelled it with a look of desperation on his face. "She came back!"

I looked in his eyes. "_What?_"

He turned his head. "I'm sorry, Susannah. But… but… he's my _son,_ Susannah. I cant forget about them."

"I know how you feel." I whispered.

Thinking of Matt.


	45. trapped

**Jesse.**

My heart leaped. "Susannah!" I tried to scream. My mouth wouldn't move.

Her hair whipped against her face. She didn't bother to push it away. Her eyes were red and swollen. Tears flew behind her and fell on the sidewalk.

She was right there.

_Right there._

Why couldn't I move?

She tried to keep walking, but then she stopped. She sat on the curb across the street and held her head, shaking. She cried for a long time, emptying herself through her tears.

She was there, but she wasn't. It was like… she was dead.

"Oh Susannah." I whispered.

And then I woke up.

"Dude, your pianos here." The music store man said to me.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "Oh, sorry, sir."

"Bad dream?"

"Mmm." I weakly replied. "Is it tied on the truck?"

"Yeah. The guys ready to go. Where'd you say? Carmel?"

"Yeah." I stood up. "That's the place."

"You have a place to store the piano?"

I curled my lip. I thought about it, and then shook my head. "I'll find somewhere."

He raised his eyebrow. "Oh, ok, that's…weird…" I ignored that.

"I'll be going now." I cleared my throat and headed for the door.

"Good luck." He called after me as I stepped outside.

I turned my head. "Thanks. I'll need it." And then I pushed open the door and walked outside.

**Scott**

"Scott? Are you home already?"

"Yeah." I coughed back.

"I was wondering where you were. Luke woke up."

I walked into the room. "Hey buddy." I smiled to my son, sprawled out on the bed. "Whats goin' on?"

"Oh, nothing, Scott. I just had to give him a bottle. You kept them." She smiled. I nodded.

"I always knew you would come back, Serena."

She paused.

Then frowned.

"Am I _really_ that predictable?" Oh shit. Seerie's temper.

"No, I didn't mean it like that."

"Yes you did!" She protested.

"I didn't!"

"You did!" She sat up. "You think I'm predictable. You think that I'm some worthless slut who doesn't know who she loves, and then I leave someone and goes and screws some other guy, and then comes back to the person who knocked her up in the first place??"

She was blabbering. Going on and on. I wasn't really listening.

Wait.

Wait… what?

_I leave someone and goes and screws some other guy…_

I would be Serena.

Serena leaves someone…

That someone would be me.

Serena loves me, and then goes and screws some other guy?

"You had sex with another guy?" I asked, interrupting her blabbering.

"What?" She asked quietly. "Did I say that? I didn't say that… why would you think that, Scott…"

"You _did._" I whispered. "You _did!_"

She shook her head. "No," She scoffed. "shut up."

"Don't tell me to shut up." I looked at her in the eye. "Did you?"

Her eyes filled.

I didn't blink.

"Oh Scott, it was this one guy."

I looked away and covered my eyes.

"I was just so… depressed, Scott. My baby didn't have a father. I thought that he might have ended up being Luke's new daddy."

"A new daddy?" I asked, glaring angrily at her. "So you can… replace me?"

"No! Scott, don't be stupid."

"I'm not being stupid! This baby is as much of mine as it is yours. You cant just… replace me!"

"I wasn't trying to replace you, Scott. I was just trying to find… an answer."

I looked at the celing and then threw my glance at her. "I am already sick of you, Serena. I'm sick of you!"

A tear flew down her cheek. "What?"

"I'm sick of your whining, your temper, your conclusions, your descisions!"

"You cant be sick of me Scott." She whispered, narrowing her eyes. "Not yet."

"Why not?" I snapped.

"Because." She cried. "Because Scott, I'm… I'm broke. And Scott, you need to take care of me."

I shook my head. "How about I just throw you on the street and let you die?" I asked codly.

"Because, Scott!! If I die, then Luke dies. And I couldn't bear that, ever, to see my baby lying on the street dead."

"So you're just trapping me here."

"Mmhmm." She said in a matter of fact way. "You're trapped."


	46. without our prior knowledge

**Suze, people. **

I sat on the beach, looking at the smears of colour on the sky.

I tilted my head. The colours still looked the same.

My head spun. Too many things had happened recently, my head was speeding into overdrive.

"Suze?" A voice broke the silence. I turned my head. It was Brad.

"What?" I asked annoyed. "Why are you here?"

"People are all over the town looking for you. Where have you been? Why did you run away from the hospital?"

I shook my head. "Not now, Brad."

"Yes, now, Suze. You are in some serious shit with those hospital guys…"

"I don't care Brad."

"And that kid, Matthew? What was with that?"

"Shut up, Brad!" I said annoyed.

"Seriously, I totally wasn't expecting that!"

"I said shut up!!" I screamed.

He held up both of his hands. "You don't want to hurt me, Suze."

"Why not?" I stood up.

"Because." He grinned evily. "I'm not really your stepbrother, Suze."

I backed down. "_What?_"

He morphed into Paul immediately. My eyes widened.

"You bastard!" I yelled, holding up my fists.

"Stop it, Suze."

"You did this, didn't you??!"

"Calm down."

"Don't you _dare_ tell me to calm down!!"

"Susannah, if you keep quiet for a second, I'll explain…"

"There are people all over the city looking for me, Paul!!" I screamed. "You… you took away my only son!! You… you… you made Jesse hate me!! You, you…" I held my head. "Why are you doing this?? Why?"

He stood silently.

"Did you do all this because I wouldn't _screw you_ on summer break?? You're sick, Paul, You're sick!"

He lowered his head. "No."

I waited. "Then why." I almost screamed.

"My brother."

I looked confused. "_What?_"

"You babysat for him in the summer. Remember?"

I nodded. My fists unclenched themselves.

"Yeah…" I said carefully.

"Well…" Paul closed his eyes. "He died… shortly after you left." He choked on his words.

My stomach jumped. I closed my eyes. "No." I whispered.

"He was out fighting ghosts. Trying to be like… _you._" His eyes filled. "A ghost killed him." A tear skipped down his cheek.

I shook my head, but a tear came down my own face. "You're lying." I said, voice shaking. "You're lying."

"I wouldn't lie about something like this."

I shook my head again. But I knew he wasn't lying.

"So you're…" I swallowed. "You're going to make my life miserable now?"

Paul closed his eyes. "Susannah, I know I've caused you pain. So much pain, Susannah."

I breathed hard. "Yes you have." I snapped, wanting his to get to the point.

"I was…" he opened his eyes. "Mad. _Really_ mad. I was upset. I was mourning. I was… sad."

I nodded.

"I wanted to let you know how it would feel like… to take the most important things in your life… ripped out. Like what you did to me."

My stomach fell.

"But… I'm sorry, Susannah. That's why I came here. I want to take you back."

**Scott**

Serena was lying on my bed.

Oh, my, God.

The reality of the situation was sinking in.

I had killed Serena.

I closed my eyes and wept. For her. For that man, that she slept with. For Luke. For me.

I moaned loudly. "What am I gonna do with you?" I groaned.

There was blood allover my hands. All over the room. All over Serena.

"Oh God." I mumbled. "Oh my God."

What did I do? "I thought I loved you, Serena." I whispered. "Why did you make me do this to you?"

I cried there for a long time.

I sat on the floor away from the bed. "I'm sorry, Serena. I'm so, so sorry." I whispered. "You never got the wedding you deserved. You didn't even get the funeral you deserve. Because if anyone finds out what I did… I'm going to be locked away for a long time… And I cant bear going to jail again, Seerie. I just cant."

**Jesse**

I must have looked like an idiot.

Driving down the highway with a piano tied on the back of my truck.

A complete idiot.

But for all I knew, it was worth it. I was going to have to do this to get Susannah back.

I parked the truck in front of her house.

I walked out and sat on the bench.

I breathed slowly. "Heres the plan." I mumbled softly to myself. "I call, tell her to come outside… and then play. Just… play, Jesse."

I straightened myself out. I pulled out the phone and called.

No answer.

I closed my eyes. "Come on." I whispered, dialing again. "Just pick up, Susannah, pick up."

No answer.

Again.

I winced. "Susannah!" I yelled. "Susannah!!"

The door opened. My heart lifted.

Oh… no… its her brother.

"What are you _doing?_" Jake asked.

I must have looked shell-shocked. "Is Susannah home?" I asked like a gentleman.

"No…" He squinted his eyes. "She's in the hospital. Remember?"

"Oh." I remembered now. "Yes. I do remember… I just thought that…" He shook his head. "Do you know when she will be back?"

Jake shrugged. "They said they have some bad news at the hospital for us. We're going to go check it out today. Its concerning Suze." He shook his head again.

"You don't honestly think…"

He shrugged.

_He thought Susannah was dead!_

"She cant be…" I stuttered. "Theres no way she could've…"

I held my head. "Sorry for wasting your time." I squeaked, walking over to the front of the truck again.


	47. teamwork

**Thanks for the reviews. :) I love you all. Please check out my other stories. I have next to NO reviews on some of them. :( so check out…. GONE, (a mediator one) for sure. And if you like this one, check out FOREVER, my newest one. Its about this movie called THE RUNDOWN, but you'll like it if you like this one. You don't really need to see the movie before reading, just helps a little. :) thanks again.**

**Adios!**

**------------**

Suze

I closed my eyes. "Fine." I whispered to Paul. "Lets go back."

He didn't smile slyly like I thought he would. He just nodded and pulled something out of his pocket.

"Here." He handed me a piece of paper.

Chills went down my spine. "My test?" I whispered.

"Mhmm." He whispered.

I held it. I looked at my score. Jesus, I needed to go back and redo that test.

"You know what to do?" He asked.

I nodded.

"You sure?"

I nodded again.

"If there is anything I need to do right now, its this." I add, whispering.

"Okay." He said quietly. "Ready?"

"Yes."

I close my eyes and think of the day I did the test.

"_Your test, Miss Simon."_ I recall. _"If you could just give me a second…"_

"Susannah!" I hear someone yell. "Susannah, stop!"

"Don't listen, keep going." Paul encouraged.

"Susannah, don't do it!"

I open my eyes. "Jesse?" I whisper.

"Susannah!! That test is from the beginning of the year! Paul is trying to get you to turn back time, so you will like him!" Jesse yelled.

I turned to him. "_What?_" I asked. Paul had wide eyes.

"Susannah." Jesse whispers. He runs up and grabs my hips. "Believe me. Forgive me. And for the love of God, never do something like this again."

I stand there. I don't know what was going on.

"Look at the test, Susannah." Jesse said, breathless. "Its older then you think."

I read the subject. "History?" I read aloud. "The test I did was in math!" Pauls eyes went even wider. "This was because I didn't screw you on summer break, wasn't it." I growled. Jesse's eyes widened that time.

"Susannah, you don't understand."

"You're such an _asshole!"_ Jesse looked at me in the eyes. _You shouldn't say that. _Is what his expression read.

"I know!" Paul exclaimed. "I know. And I'm sorry."

Me and Jesse both looked at eachother. "What?" We asked in unsion.

"I said I'm sorry!" He yelled. "I'll leave you alone. I promise." He held up his hands. "No fingers crossed."

"What about Matthew?" I whispered without thinking.

Paul looked at me with deep concern. "Where is he?"

"In the hospital." Jesse finished. "They want to perform an autopsy."

"No." I whispered. "Not on him."

"I agree, Jesse." Paul added. "If they cut him open, I cant bring him back."

"Bring him back?" We asked again.

"You can do that?" I asked with hope.

He nodded. "Not if they cut him open, though."

"Well then we have to get to the hospital." Jesse whispered.

"Now." I added.

We all nodded. For a couple of seconds, me, Jesse, and Paul were a team.

Scott

There was a knock on the door. I jumped out of my socks.

"Sir?? Sir!! Open up!!"

I look around for something to wipe my hands on.

"Open the door before I break this fucking thing down!"

I walk quickly to the door. I would have to hide my hands for now.

I open it up. It's a man in a suit.

"Sir. Good evening."

"Hi." I say back raspy.

"People were complaining from the noise. I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding but…" He squinted. "Is that… I'm sorry sir, but is that _blood_ in your hair?"

I raise my hand up. Shit. My hand.

"Sir, I'm going to need to investigate your apartment."


	48. messing up setting things right

**Guyssss!! No one reviewed on my storrrrryyy!! Check it out… FOREVER… thank yous all… :) **

**ADIOS!**

**--**

**Suze**

The three of us walk into a hospital. We aren't smiling back at the lady behind the counter.

Jesse speaks. "How does this work?" He says to Paul immediately.

"We need to find him. Then we're going to need some insence. And candles."

"Well you could've said that earlier." He hisses under his breath. "How are we supposed to get them?"

"Well, I forgot! Jesus Christ, sue me. I'm just trying to help!"

Jesse rolls his eyes. "Slater, I swear…"

"Boys!" I yell desperately. "I'll get the stuff. Just stall the autopsy, okay?"

They both look at me. "Fine." They say together. Paul raises a fist to Jesse, but then returns it to his side.

And then I run as fast as I can to the convieince store.

Scott

"Uh, no, I cant… You cant come in here…" I say quickly, and nervously.

"Why not?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Because…" I look back and fourth. "Because…"

He sticks a foot in. I push him back.

"Me and my girlfriend are having sex."

He looks amused. "Really."

"Y-yeah."

He laughs a little. "Why are your hands… bloody then?"

I think. "It… it isn't b-blood." _God, don't arrest me, don't arrest me…_

"It isn't?"

"N-no."

He looks at me. "Well are you going to tell me what it is?"

"Uh…" I look over at the kitchen. Food colouring. "Its, its food c-colouring."

"Food colouring?" He repeats, writing something down in a little notebook. Aw, shit.

"Y-yeah."

"You got a stutter?"

"uh… yeah, yeah, I guess." Good call.

"So what were you doing with food colouring?"

He looks up from his notebook.

"Uh…" _Think, Scott, think._ "Its in the bath."

"The… bath…" He writes more down.

I feel the need to add more. He dosent believe me. "Yeah, yeah, its… its…"

"Kinky?" He laughs heartily. I join in nervously.

"Ha, yeah…you're such the jokester." He looks at me weird.

"Jokester?" He repeats. "I wasn't joking."

Shit. Shit! What did he say?

"Were you really having sex?" he asks like he already knows the answer.

Oh, oh, God.

"Ye-yeah."

"Are you sure?"

I nod.

"Y-yeah, we just… have sex all the time… I mean… yeah…. All the bloody day."

He looks unconvinced.

"Really."

And then… then that bloody kid, he starts crying, his goddamn eyes out.

"What was that?" He asks.

And at first, Lukas is only like, whining, so I say…

"That's my girlfriend. Gotta go."

"Have fun." He nods his head.

And then he starts bawling. The man looks over my shoulder.

"Your girlfriend sounds like a baby."

"Momma! Momma!" Lukas yells.

I don't even care that the cop bursts in past my shoulders.

Lukas saying his first word.

Momma.

It broke my heart.

Suze

I gather up some candles. Some smell like pine, frenchtoast…

God, who makes candles that smell like French toast?

But the scents don't matter right now. I grab a pack of cheap insence and run to the counter.

"Could I get all these?" I ask, pushing the stuff on the counter.

"Whatever." The girl says behind the counter. She rings everything in. "Eleven ninety nine, please."

Only then do I realize I have no money.

Jesse

My hearts racing as we head up the elevator. I cant believe that I am getting a second chance.

"I hate you." I tell Paul as the floors tick by. "You killed my son."

"Hey. I'm bringing him back, aren't I?"

I scowl. "You're unbelievable."

"Thanks."

I feel like punching his face in. But I hesitate. "Lets go." I say as the doors swing open.

"Where is he?"

"Down the hall." I say. "Room fourteen B."

We walk in there. Susannah's mother is there. She's talking to a tall man in uniform.

"Miss Simon." I say politely, interrupting their conversation.

The man looks annoyed. But I ignore his dirty look.

"Where is Matthew?" I guessed that she already knew I was his father.

"He… Jesse, I'm sorry, he's… he's…he's dead, I thought you knew…"

"I do know."

"He does know." Paul says.

I glare at him, annoyed. "I just want to… I want to… hold him, right now."

The doctor butts in. "I'm sorry… Sir. But Matthew is already in the operation room. They are performing an autopsy."


	49. whatever you'd like to believe

**Come on guys.. not funny… review my story!! **

**--wooooohooo!---**

Suze

I sneak a smile at the counter lady. I hand her a couple of crumpled dollar bills—change from the chips, and then grab the bag.

I'm racing for the door.

"Hey, wait, this isn't enough!"

I burst through and run down the street. I look behind me.

"This is only two dollars!!" And then she's chasing after me.

God, I bet she was on a professional running team. Of course.

I ran harder. This was for my son.

Jesse

I look at Paul. "We need to go in there." I say, looking at the operation room.

"Before they cut him." He adds.

"I know."

"I know too."

We paused.

"So how are we gonna do this?" Paul asks.

My palms are wet. I look over at a coat rack. Two white jackets are hanging up.

"I have… an idea."

Scott

My wrists are throbbing. My feet are throbbing. My head, my head… its throbbing too. I sit up.

"Where am I?" I whisper.

"You're in a cop car." The driver says. There is a metal gate between me and him. Even the windows are barred.

I scream. As loud as I can. I hit my head against the gate. Why is this happening to me?

Again?

"Shut the hell up back there before I shoot your bloody mouth open!" He yells. I looked, almost frightened at the sound of order.

"You wouldn't be aloud." I whisper.

He laughs. "I don't think it would matter. You're up for death row."

_Death Row._

My heartbeat was pounding through the car. Everything was blurry.

"W-what?" I ask, my voice shaking.

"You're surprised, are you?"

Tears are coming out of my eyes. I cant even wipe them away because my hands are cuffed behind my back.

"Well, you murdered a full grown woman. If I were you, I would see it coming."

"But I wasn't supposed to get caught!!" I yell stupidly without thinking. "They weren't supposed to find me!!"

"That's what they all say." He sighs.

So I start screaming again.

Jesse

"Excuse me, what are you good men planning on doing?" I ask, trying to sound professional. Paul smiles stupidly.

"We are performing an autopsy, this is a closed operation."

"Oh, really? One of the nurses told me to come here and tell you that it would be delayed…" I look over his shoulder to see if they had cut him open yet. A blanket covered his corpse. I tried not to cry.

"Why? And who are you?"

I breathe in shortly. "I am doctor…" I look at my name tag. "Sallage."

He smirks. "You mean, Salayge?"

My eyes widen. "Ha, of course…" I get the feeling they don't believe us.

"Well, Doctor… Sallage…" He laughs again. "How about you get out of here, alright? We need to do some serious medical practice."

"Doctor, Nurse Patricia sent us." Paul says, stepping forward. "Please excuse my brother, he is…" He whispers something to the doctor that makes him laugh. "She wanted to let you know that the parents of the child no longer wish to have an autopsy, and they would rather think it over before taking any… _drastic_ steps."

"They don't want to know the cause of sickness?" The doctor asks. Paul explains something back.

Paul was helping.

Paul was saving my son.

I never thought I'd ever say this but…

Paul had my back.

Suze

"Slow down, bitch!" The cleck says from behind me. "You aint stealing anything from my papa's store!"

I groan and run faster. "I'll give you the money after!! I just… need to…"

She isn't listening. And its taking a lot of effort to say stuff while I sprint.

The hospital isn't far away… just a few more blocks…

"Bitch!" She yells again, grabbing my foot, sending me tumbling to the ground.

Scott

"Don't I get a phone call? I get a phone call!!"

He smirks. "You're going up for _death row._ Do you know what that means? They are going to kill you. You deserve to die."

"Oh my God!!" I scream. "Shut up!!"

"You sound like a twelve year old girl on Coke, man."

I squint my eyes. I scream some more.

The man picks up a walkie talkie.

"Sean, can you take care of this one? You know my wife hates taking care of my headaches."

Another voice comes out of the other end.

"Sure thing, Bob." And then I realize.

Sean, Sean's a cop.

As in… Sean, my brother.

Jesse

"It's stalled." Paul says proudly, walking out of the operation room.

"Until when?"

"Until they realize that the kid dosent have any rightful parents."

"Hey." I say sternly. "He has parents. Me, and Susannah."

He laughs. "Honestly. If that kid has any parents, they're Susannah and _me._ You haven't even banged her yet."

My mouth drops open. "That is because I treat Susannah with the respect she deserves, and I wouldn't trouble her by _banging_ her."

"Ha. You're missing out."

I raise an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Susannah is _fabulous… _you know… bang-wise."

"You wouldn't know." I dismiss the subject.

But Paul brings it back up. "Well… I would say that she is definitely bang-worthy. She is quite the kisser."

My eyes go wide. "Quite the kisser? How would you even know?"

He laughs. "We shared our… _moments,_ a few months ago. Lets just say... three words, alright, big boy? Tounge, bed, and absolutely no clothes."

"Yeah, right." I smirk. "And that's six words."

"I'm serious!! Well, not about the no clothes part, but me and your girlfriend tangled tounges on my bed!"

"Whatever you'd like to believe, Paul." I whisper, grinning. "Lets get Matt."


	50. just do it

**Hey guys… wonderful reviews. I think I got… 16 alerts in three hours!! You guys are AMAZING… I love you all! D**

**And… please, u guys rule, but could some one please review on FOREVER? I only have one and its from my sister… hehe…**

**---ADIOS!!—**

Scott

A man in uniform gets in the car. I know at once that it's my brother. I say nothing.

"Death row, huh?" He asks, still not looking at me. He starts the car.

I cry. I hang my head. My brother dosent deserve to see me like this. He was always the good guy.

"Yeah." I say, voice shaking and whimpering.

"Life isn't fair, huh." I almost laughed. I missed the way he talked.

"No." I choke on air. Hearing him as a successful accomplisher made me so… depressed.

"You scared?"

I cry. He dosent notice. "No. I deserve it."

We pause.

"Why'd you do it, Scott?"

He knows its me. My heart aches.

"I'm so, so sorry, Sean…"

"Save it Sean."

I bite my tounge. "I let you down, didn't I, Sean?"

He nods briefly. "Mom's going to be upset when you don't show up for Christmas. I cant bear to tell her you died. I couldn't bear you dead. You're a good guy."

I laugh humourlessly. "Well, it's too late now, isn't it?"

He stops smiling. "We'll see about that."

Suze

"Give me the goddam—" She kicks me. I mean it! She kicks me in the chin. I stare bewildered for a moment, and then realize that she's walking away with my stuff.

I sweep my leg from under hers. She comes toppling down the ground. Her chin smashes the pavement. I wince, and then grab the bag.

"Sorry. I'll pay you back, I promise."

And then I run back to the hospital.

Jesse

"What do we do?" I ask Paul. "How does this work?"

"I need the stuff, I told you."

"When we get the stuff," I continue, annoyed. "What do we do?"

"Well… we'll make a circle around him. And the two parents have to…"

"Security, floor eight." The loudspeaker interrupts. "Security, floor eight."

"That's the floor beneath us." I say, like it dosent matter.

"Anyways, the two parents have to…"

"Jesse!" Its Suze. She sounds exhausted. "Lets do this thing. And fast. The cops are coming."

Scott

"Lets do this thing." Sean turns on the siren. The car speeds up. "Little brother, you wouldn't believe the things I would do for you."

"I do." I whisper. "I know."

We race through traffic. Sean unlocked the gate and gave me the keys to my cuffs.

"This is the most fun I've had in a long time!" Sean laughs through the wind. And then the speaker says crackly,

"Willams, what are you doing? Where are you heading?"

He picks up the speaker. "Heading to hidden case." He says in the mic.

"Well then turn the goddamn sirens off!!"

"Yes sir. Sorry sir." He flicks off the sirens.

"What? What happened?" I asked, shaking my hands, relied from the cuffs.

"All units report to CDC robbery case, at Mongumery Hospital. All units."

"What's going on?"

"Get out." Sean says seriously.

"_What?_"

"All units. That's me. Hide in this forest. I'll come back after the robbery and we'll head somewhere. But not now. People are looking for you now. Get out."

I push open the door.

"Slow down a little!!" I yell.

The car slows down dramaticly.

"I'll come back for you, little brother."

"You better." I finish, and then close my eyes and jump out.

Jesse

"Get in the operation room. Quick." Paul says, pointing to the table where Matthew still lay.

We all rushed in. Paul locked the door.

"Set the candles in a circle around Matt." He demands, still fiddling with the lock. "Anyone got a match?"

I look in my pocket. A gentleman always carries a little bit of light.

"Got one." I say, throwing the box towards Susannah, who was setting up the candles.

"Now. Light those and then everyone get a burning insence stick. Hold it to your heart."

We all stand around the circle. There is silence.

"Now what?" Suze asks.

"Now, I need silence." I feel like punching him for being so rude with Susannah.

He whispers something in Portuguese.

"a criança, pode você acordado."

"Child, may you awake." He whispers.

There is more silence.

"Now what?" I whisper.

"The parents must kiss over the child." He whispers.

"Fine." There is banging on the door.

"Open up!"

"Keep going." I say. I lean over Matthew and Peck Susannah on the lips.

Nothing happens.

"Whats wrong?" Susannah asks.

"Maybe… kiss more… passionately." I smirk at Paul. He dosent know the meaning of passionate.

I lean over and kiss Susannah more… passionately, I suppose. But Matthew still lay with his eyes closed. I place my ear to his chest.

There's no heartbeat.

"What is this?" I ask angrily to Paul. "Why isn't this working?"

"I said, open up, before I break the goddamn thing down!"

"I don't know!" Paul yells, looking confused. "The only reason this wouldn't work would be if… if the true parents didn't kiss."

"That's ridiculous." I say immediately. "I am obviously this boy's father. He looks exactly like me."

Susannah looks shocked, and afraid. I swallow. I know what she's thinking.

Suze

"Jesse…" I whisper nervously. "You aren't his father."

"Open this bloody door!!"

"Paul is." I finish. Jesse looks heart broken. "Paul casted the spell." I say quickly, making sure he didn't get the wrong idea. "So… he must be the…"

"Just kiss her!" He bursts to Paul. "Kiss her! I want my bloody son back."

I close my eyes and lean forward slowly. The door breaks down in the backround. Paul is leaning forward slow too, and then Jesse takes both of our heads and mashes them together.

"Put your hands in the air! Now!"

We all turn. A light blasts out of the room. I cant see anything.

"Jesse!" I yell. I think he says something back, but I honestly cant hear a thing.

Then the light dies down. No one is moving but me, Paul, and Jesse.

"We've frozen time." Jesse whispers. "Look. Nothing else is moving."

Paul looks around. He jumps. "Great God!" He yells. "That guy!!" He points at a cop behind him. He is pointing a gun, straight where Paul was standing. "He was gonna shoot me!!"

Paul and Jesse look shaken by the entire experience.

"What did we do wrong." I say suddenly. "Why did this happen?"

"I don't know… I guess… that when we discovered our love—"

Jesse eyes are filled with anger. "You don't love her!" He bursts. "All you feel is lust!"

"Guys!!" I stop the fighting. "I just want this to stop!"

And then, like I said the six magic words, time came to.

And shot Paul Slater in the back.


	51. finally

**Mmhmm.. interesting chappiter… D bhehehehe… I'm just mostly hyper.. BEWHAHAHAH IM SO evel.**

**--adioasa!!—**

Suze

I scream at… no… _for_ Paul.

I cry for him.

The cops are all crowded around him.

"You killed him!!" I yell. "He's dead!" Tears streak down my face.

I never thought that I would cry for Paul Slater. But… he died, for my son.

And then I hear him.

Matt.

He's crying.

I turn and pick him up.

"Oh my God…" I whisper, rocking him back and fourth. "Matty…"

Jesse rushes to my side.

"Susannah, are you alright?" He asks concerned, worried, and shaken by everything.

"That's her!! That's the girl who robbed my store!" I look over. There's that clerk. Her chin is all bloody. She has different cops all lined up behind her.

But this time, they want me.

Jesse

Susannah hands me Matthew. I hold him. He is still crying. I look over at Paul. He is sprawled out on the ground, a pool of blood under him.

"Susannah, do not fight them." I whisper.

"Please, Jesse, I can take these guys." She whispers back. She turns from me. I grab the back of her shirt and pull her towards me.

"You saw what they did to Paul. They wont hesitate doing the same to you."

She tugs away. "I promise you, I wont get shot." She raises her eyebrows, annoyed, I suppose, and then walks towards the cops.

Matthew starts crying louder. He is pointing at Paul's dead body.

"Matty? What is it?" I whisper, like it isn't obvious.

He points at Paul again. His body is glowing.

"Great God." I whisper, watching as Paul's ghost raises out of his body.

Paul looks over at me. His face looks slightly pale, and he has a look of determination spread across it.

"I'm gonna beat the living shit out of those bloody cops!" He yells, running towards them all. I don't stop him.

"I am young!" He yells as he punches a cop in the face. "I was bad, but I was going to change!" Another punch. "How do you feel cutting a kids life short?? Huh?"

Susannah is kicking butt too. Kicking, punching, slapping…

I hold Matthew closer.

"Hush." I don't want them to bring out more guns.

Susannah is panting. She keeps fighting until most of the cops are lying on the ground.

She looks at me and runs to my arms. "Oh Jesse!" She cries in my shoulder. "Cookie." She whispers, stroking Matthew's hair.

"Paul's dead." She whispers.

"Not quite." His ghost says behind her.

She spins around. "Paul! They… they…"

"They shot me." He says, a half smile on his face. "I'm dead. I'm a ghost."

Suze

My heart is beating uncontrollably.

"A ghost?" I repeat.

"Yeah. I wonder what my mother will think when she finds out both of her sons are dead."

I pause. "Paul," I bite my lip. "You're dead because of me, aren't you?"

He shakes his head. "I knew what was going to happen, Suze."

I look confused. "_What?_"

"I just changed your future."

"You don't mean that—"

"Yeah. I came from the future and met you in the summer on purpose. If it wasn't for me… well…"

I didn't really want to know the answer. He leans in and tells it to me anyways.

"You'll find out later today." He whispers, and then leans back.

"Thankyou very much, Paul." Jesse says, rocking Matty.

"One last word." He says clearly. "You need to run. Far away. Before they find you. Only time can bring you back."

We both looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"When you look older, the police wont notice you."

Jesse raises his eyebrows. "Thank you, again, Paul."

"See ya, Susannah."

A tear falls. "Goodbye, Paul."

- - - - -- - - -- - - -- later that day, jesse's apartment - -- --- -- - - - -- -

Story

"Susannah, are you sure you have everything?" Jesse asks.

"I'm sure." She says, rolling in her bags.

"We aren't coming back here for a long time."

She smiles and cries. "I know."

"You got the car seats?"

She nods. "Kids are strapped in and ready to go."

"We're leaving early this morning."

"I know." Susannah walks over to Jesse, with a look of desire in her eye.

"Around… six. Or maybe five."

"Mmhmm." She places a hand on his chest.

"What would you like to do, your last night in Carmel?"

She smiles. "I have an idea."

And then with a simple push of her hand, Jesse falls backwards onto his bed, and he finally realizes what she wants.

And, against his own beliefs… he lets her have it.


	52. the end

**Last chapter!!!**

Suze

I lean on the wall, frying eggs on the stove.

"Matthew, E.L, Dominic, Elodie, come for breakfast!" I call, laying the eggs out on the table.

Ellie is the first to walk in. Her jeans are cut around the knees. "Hey mom." She says cheerfully, pulling up a chair. "Food looks great."

Dom is the next one to come in. "Hey mum." He kisses me on the cheek. Jesse taught him that. "Thanks for the eggs."

E.L walks in, his hands in his hair. He is messing around with some gel.

"E.L, go wash your hands before coming to the table." I say, slightly annoyed.

"Fine." He agrees, walking towards the bathroom.

By that time, my two sons and my daughter are eating happily. Matty is still nowhere to be found.

"Matt!" I call. "Come for breakfast!" He tumbles down the stairs.

"Sorry mom. I was…"

"Listening to music, I know."

He smiles and walks to the table. 

"You're the best, mom." He grins and pulls out a chair for himself.

I sigh and look at my sons eating like there is no tomorrow. Typical.

"Boys,"

"Close your mouth when you chew." Elodie finishes, her eyes flashing. Her black hair swept in front of her eyes.

They all shove more food in. "Sorry mom." They all say in unsion.

I wipe off my pants and sit at the foot of the table. I place my hands neatly folded at the table.

"You're all lucky I don't make you wait until the company shows up." I say, and they all look up.

I love having control like that.

"Company?" E.L repeats. "Who's coming?"

I smile. "Well, Father Dominic is expected to show up. And if we're lucky, you're father can show up…" I look at the door. Jesse still hasn't walked in.

As if on que, the doorbell rings. Dom stands up.

"Allow me." He smiles at me and walks to the door.

I smile back. I love Dominic.

"Hello." I hear him say at the door. "We weren't expecting you."

A gruff voice replies from the door.

"Yeah, of course, one moment." Dominic walks back in the room. Everyone is looking at him.

"Mom, it's some… dude. Looks kind of messed up. Wants to talk to you."

I grunt weakly and stand up. As I look at him through the other room, I notice something… he looks familiar…

"Scott." I whisper. I run over to the door.

"Suze." He says, looking in my eyes.

"Look at this!" I say, almost crying. "Look at this… your beard! Oh, Scott… Look at you!" I smile and then step back to look at him.

"This may sound a little weird." He starts, "But, Susannah…. I need a place to stay. Maybe just for tonight."

I nod sympatheticly. "Of course, Scott. I owe you my children's lives." I kiss him on the cheek. "Come for breakfast, we're expecting company."

Scott sits beside me. He eats slowly at his food. The children chew slowly with their mouths shut.

"This is good, Susannah." Scott says. My kids look around, eyebrows raised.

They get that from their father. I swear.

"Who are you?" Ellie finally asks. I drop my fork and shoot her an annoyed look.

"I'm a friend of your mother's." He says gruffly.

"Like, _friendly?_" E.L says, looking at Scott, smiling. "Or, _friendly_ friendly?" Matt nudges him.

"E.L!!" I yell across the table. Scott and the boys laugh.

"Sorry." He says, grinning.

"You better be." I say. "I should call Father. He's late."

I stand up and walk into the kitchen. I pick up the phone.

I dial his number and look in the other room. Scott is telling E.L and Matty a joke. They all burst out into laughter. Even Ellie.

"Hello?"

"Father Dom, hi. Where are you? I thought you were coming down to have breakfast with my family."

The phone crackles. "Yes, I am sorry about being late, Susannah. My fault entirely. I am coming up to your street right now, it's Wellington, is it not?"

"That's the one. 69."

"Sixty nine." He repeats. "I'm coming up to it right now."

"See you in a second, Father."

I hang up the phone and walk back into the kitchen.

"Boys!" I say sternly, trying to gain control. But E.L has put eggs on his face…

I cant help but crack up.

"Father Dom is here." I smile. I walk over and pick the egg off of his face. "Clean this up, child." I kiss his cheek and walk over to the door.

"Susannah!" He greets.

"Hi Father!"

Dominic raises out of his seat and walks over to the priest. They share a smile.

Dominic and Father Dom have had a strong relationship even before he was born. When I was pregnant with my first, for real, son, Father Dominic spent regular visits to make sure everything was going okay.

Father Dom was there when he was born, actually. Jesse was the first one to hold him. He delivered him, after all.

Speaking of Jesse, where is he? We're almost done breakfast, and he still isn't home.

Father Dominic sits down next to Scott. I take my place next to them.

"Hey Father." E.L says, shoving more food in his mouth.

"Hi Father Dom." Elodie says. Father Dom sends them all a warm smile and a nod.

"I haven't seen this boy before." Father Dominic says, looking at Scott.

He smiles sarcasticly. "I try to keep a low profile."

There are so many questions I want to ask him. He disappeared for eighteen years… eighteen long years. And then he shows up at my door…

"Whats your name, son?" He asks. Father Dom is an old, old man. I love the 'blessing' (so he calls it) that he's still alive.

"Scott." He says, taking a bite out of his eggs. "Friend of Susannah's." He smiles at E.L.

"Oh, that's nice." Father Dominic says, shoveling more food in his mouth.

I get the feeling that Jesse wont appreaciate Scott being here. I look down at my food.

The door swings open. Jesse modestly shakes off his boots and hangs up his jacket.

"Good morning!" He calls out.

"Morning dad!" the boys call. Elodie stays silent.

He walks in the room and kisses me on the cheek. "Food smells great." He whispers.

He pulls out a chair and pulls for his plate.

"Father Dom." He nods. "E.L. Matthew. Dominic. Elodie." He looks at Scott. He has a look of confusion on his face. "Have we met?"

I feel sick now. _Please don't beat eachother up…_

"I'm Scott. Your old neighbour."

His smile fades. "Oh." He says grimly. "Welcome to our home." He says as nicely and politely he can manage.

"Thankyou, Jesse."

We all eat in silence. Finally, when everyone is done, Jesse stands.

"We have come here today, in this beautiful house that we have been blessed with." He says. "With my three sons, my daughter, my wife, and my friends. _Our_ friends."

We all smile. Everyone appreaciates Jesse.

"We are blessed with food, warmth, a house over our heads…"

"Amen." Says E.L, more then a joke then anything.

"And with love." Jesse continues. "This house, is kapt together with love. Love for our brothers, sisters, moms and dads. For our friends, for our gifts, for our wonderful things. Without love,"

"We are nothing." Dominic finishes. Jesse smiles.

"And this sinple prayer," Jesse continues,

"That we say every day," Matty joins in.

"Will keep our home." Says everyone together. "And our love, together."

Everyone is smiling by the time Jesse sits down.

We all stack up the plates and slide them in the washing machine.

--

That day was a beautiful day. The joining of pasts, linking with trageties, gifts, and miracles. If I forget everything else that I know, I'll remember this one day.

The day that I, Susannah Simon, had finally won.


End file.
